Listen, everyone wants to be thinner. Wants to be more desirable and comfortable in their own skin, but the cold hard fact is that most of us are fatties sporting thunder thighs or muffin tops. And you know those seemingly friendly co-workers who randomly say you look like you've lost weight, well we're 99% sure they're lying, because they probably like seeing you waddle into work, which in turn makes them feel better about themselves.
Well we have the solution to this Pringle poppin problem. It's the Wonder Sauna Hot Pants! Not only will you be able to shed the those unwanted pounds easily and without actually working out, but you can comfortably wear these hot pants around town, and no one would know the difference. They're so versatile and stylish, you can pair them with your favorite fringe top and heels, or dress em down with a sports bra and sneaks...and you'll still be the belle of the ball.
The best part about this little number is that they do all the work for you. So you can keep sitting there on your dimpled dumper, dine on fine Hostess treats and watch the pounds melt away. Whoever said you had to break a sweat and get your heart rate up to loose weight is clearly a butter brain and doesn't know a thing about weight loss!
Watching videos like these really makes us yearn for the days of yore, when everyone was on drugs, the music was actually created with real instruments, and you were free to wear fringe and afro's...even if you were a whitey! Sly & The Family Stone not only crank up the cocaine, but they actually gave a Funk. Talented beyond belief and high as the peace bird flies, they truly reigned supreme.
This video of them performing a mash up of Everyday People and Dance To The Music is a priceless gem. From Sly's silky cropped tie top, to Miss Trumpet Tits screaming like a funky junkie, to the amazing live audience shots, each scene literally oozes psychedelic soul.
We're just bitter that we weren't there to be a part of this magic. The only way to try and make this right in our minds, is by calling our mothers and screaming at them from not having been teenage whores and giving birth to us in the right generation... Thanks for nothing moms!!
Happy V(eneral Disease) Day to all you love vixens!
Fact: 1 in every 4 bitches has got a little funk on their junk.
Thats shiz is just stank and if you feel a little itch or critch, you best to scratch your ass all the way down to your doc, stat!
So in honor of this whorish holiday, we'd like to suggest the above pictured dilly dil for your Vday pleasures. It's fun for all ages, boys and girls, gay or straight! For the fellas, it's sure to put the kink back in your stink, and for the ladies, your labias will quiver with fire and desire.
Yes that's right, the Tantus Feeldoe Slim Vibrator is the answer to spicing up your sex life and putting the zing back in your thing. Just read the review below from Amazon.com to convince yourself this is the right gift for you and the one you like to stick things in.
17 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
This is a double-ended harness-free dildo primarily designed for lesbians to use on each other, but it can be used in a multitude of ways. I purchased it for my wife to use on me anally and it has been fun to use that way. It is a little heavy for her to hold in her vaginal opening and use on me without some assistance, so we have used a harness to help support and control it. She also enjoys using it this way. We have not yet used it for double penetration on her, but we'll get around to it some time. It is made of high quality silicone, so it is easy to clean/disinfect, just don't use silicone based lubes with it.
If this doesn't make you want to run right out and get your very one Tantus tickler, we don't know what will. Just think about all the freedom you'll have without having to put this puppy in a harness. Yes, the reviewer mentioned that his weak ass wife couldn't handle the weight on her own, but that's cause she's probably used to fucking pinky peeshes and hasn't had the pleasure of a 9incher!!
This little pleasure puppy is designed to be harness-free and heaven forbid we fuck with it's true intentions. Stick this little bad boy in all the holes you can handle and watch your lover scream with delight...or fright. Either way, you'll get your moneys worth.
Holy lederhosen! This is reason #1,395,826 why we fucking love those twinkle twisting dancing Euro's and of course the 70's. Never has a combination of our favorite things come together like soccer, fashion, Germans, black tights and a sock shimmy shake dance party. Why did they even bother with those mannequin in the begining anyhaaaay?! That ish was distracting.
We can't single out our favorite technique. Each move gets upstaged by the next. Are they human or are they dancer? Maybe the answer is that they are just German. But do keep a lookout for the Geico Caveman at 1:31. He stings his competition with his bumble bee spins and and stinging beauty. So tonight when your at that whack-a-doodle Williamsburg loft party with a wedgie cause of your American Apparel tights just close your eye's, pull on that blunt and transport yourself into this krautastic gem.
Yes fackers, it's our second installment of Denim Dreams and we've got a brand new batch of bowel movement inducing jean jackets for you to feast your eyes upon. While some might say it's fucked up of us to ridicule people's personal taste and love of these horrid clothing items, we honestly don't give a fribble bibble. It's called freedom of speech nerples, and we're exercising our right to do just that.
First up is this absurdly amature attempt at airbrushing, which is clearly paying hommage to the family dog. But one might wonder if this person really is paying tribute or mocking their four legged friend cause this shit looks like stir fried dookie bits with a side of schmegma fritters. Our only wish was that this pic actually had the person wearing this little gem so we can make fun of the way they look too.
Now this little doozy is just magic. Close your eyes and picture the fringe moving freely during a wild line dancing night out at Vern's Watering Hole. It makes us wanna run right out to our local thrift shop, pick out some fringe duds and find us a country bumpkin to fuck right, and all night, in this get up.
Honestly, we're going to let this one speak for itself. It's just too precious to cloud with meaningless words and descriptions when all you need to do is look at this vision and let it take you away on a sci-fi magic carpet ride.
It just doesn't get any better than this. We're sitting here all cranked up and cockeyed trying to recover from the past two nights of birthday celebrations, and nothing gets us more inspired to pump up the jam than watching hoe's circa 1980's shakin their shit in bodysuits and leg warmers.
We get an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia every time one of these teased out titty twisters hit us with a high kick or a double side shimmy. The cinematography is cutting edge and the use of fog machines gives it that little extra something.
We want to know why the fuck shows aren't made with this much pazazz anymore?! We swear if they were to bring this shit back and held auditions, we'd walk on hot burning blunt embers for a shot at sweet gold...Solid Gold!
This is a very special Saturday, maybe even a historical one. We managed to wake at 9 a.m. without any sort of engagement or vacation flight to catch cause we all know those are the only two good reasons to get your booger infested eyes out of your sexual dungeon before noon. The last thing we saw before our Cinderella sleep was this euro trash teen bucking it down to what we believe was a huge hit overseas. And why are they calling a their pea knuckle penis a ding ding dong. Do they not have doorbells in Europa? Or their doorbells play techno. Ohhh weeee Tiara make that reason #1,572 to move there.
Americanos obviously can't handle that cock throbbing bass like our pre-pubic pancake faced amigo can. And speaking of his face if he continues making those diarrhea expressions while working up a seizure we assure you he will stay a virgin a long time after graduation. You know what we're talking about cause we all went to school with one. Skip to the 2:36 mark to see a move we have never seen even at the worst discotecha. It's like the butt-fuck, Zoolander looking cats claw! But wait check out this Queen Of Englands jewel below...
Ok, did you all fully process that? We know you watched it at least three times before you kept going. There really is no better place to show ones expertise talent than in Union Square. And this hackeysacking dandie doodle dandie is lucky we were able to snag such fantastic foot-age, hah! Honestsly we were shitting rainbow covered sprinkles watching it live and it still gets us every damn time. There is just so many moments like the helicopter chop, the knee bended freeze, the motorcycle, the pebble kick, shit do we have to go on? So as we await this snowy shit storm we get back in bed with our bong and start to weed dream about the spring again so we can capture peyote popin' moments like this.
It's a crispy little Saturday in Nueva York, and aside from having a vicodin hangover, we're also on a dungaree high! If some of you aren't familiar with dungaree, it derives from the word dung, better known as shit, and dungaree's are most commonly worn by workers who practice in the field of dung diddy doo doo. We're not really sure what all this means, but just shut up and go with it.
Anyhaaaay, denim and/or jean, as it's more commonly known on the streets, takes many shapes and sizes in the fashion world, but nothing screams class more than a personalized jean jacket. It's the one article of clothing that will always set yourself apart from the fashion sheep, and lets the world know you're no follower. It shows you have your own distinct, yet warped sense of style, and anyone with puffy paint or an airbrush better beware.
Below, we have some little denim doozies that have touched our inner stylista. Hopefully you'll be as entranced and mesmerized as we are.
First up is a gem of a jacket that's adorn with fanciful Victorian fan prints. It just jumps out of the screen and screams old world glamour. You're sure to be the belle at any ball wearing this little lovely.
Next is the more urban Serengeti style stunner. We almost get chills looking at this piece, with it being so lifelike and eye catching. It's so beautiful that if we saw someone wearing this puppy in public, we'd straight up street fight them for it. Don't judge, you know you would too!
And last, but certainly not least we have an acid washed wonder, with a tranquil Arizona scene blazing across the back. If you're anywhere near Williamsburg or Greenpoint Brooklyn, then you're sure to find your local hipster sportin one of these and you'll know it's the cat's meow.
Today's post is dedicated to those naughty little devil sticks we all know and love. No were not talking about tampons, although they are fun at parties, we're gabbing about cigarettes! They instantly add that touch of class to your appearance, and if it wasn't for that pesky little thing called cancer, cigs would be everyones best friend!
We actually took the advise of former prez, Don Juan Ron and sent all our loved ones a carton! Nothing says I love you like a care package stuffed with smokes! And if you didn't get a cartoon, or at least a pack, we really feel for you because clearly no one in your fam loves you.
Pretty much at some point everyone has puffed on a puffer...even the squares out there. Most likely you started off by stealing them from your unsuspecting parents and pretending to smoke them with your friends. And then one day you graduated to inhaling, and you felt the instant "kool" enrapture you. Next thing you know you're scrapping for change in between the cushions of your couch and rolling pennies for puffs!
And seriously, who can blame you. Hot thick smoke adds sex appeal to even the lamest lover. They compliment any drug you're on, and especially add some fun to acid heads who watch the smoke form funkadoodle shapes.
Our only complaint is that they don't come in more flavors. We're forced to choose between regs, lights or menthol. How delish would it be if they have fish stick flavor, adding that spicy tuna tang? Well we can dream can't we?
So in honor of that flashy fresh making flavor menthol, here's a blast from the past commercial for that classic Kool cigarette!
Holy goo goo gloobie boo what a friday night can do to you! We just got up about 10 minutes ago due to the devilish holiday eggnog and body crotch shots. Don't you just love holiday parties?
Anyhaaaay as we were wandering the kinky streets of the L.E.S. we stumbled upon a crackliciously looking Thespian, pole dancing in the icy frigid black snow. This is why we stick to the precious weed of weeds called WEEEEEEED! As she busted face with all her loving good grace we couldn't help but devote this Saturday to her. If anyone see's Cracky Lace, just trust you will know her when you see her, please let her know her vajay is a-o-kaaaay. This video below doesn't due her justice.
We just wanted to showcase 2 lowriding fashion trends that are spreading like a California wildfire. Which one speaks your language? They both speak english so chill.
Joselito "Titocuchifrito" Rico is one vato not to fuck with. He is the king of queens of the West Coast Coasting Low riders Association. He has been gaining notoriety in his hood for his fashion forward approach to low riding. While setting himself apart from his homosexual homies with a double knitted bunny fur lined deer poncho his abuelita made for Navidad. In honor of the first two men he killed each deer represents his bravery and marks the kill of the human beasts. God that poncho really makes those khakis pop esse we hardly even notice the bicycle son.
And here we have Paco "The Puerto Rican Pecan" Flaco. Not afraid to show his commonwealth pride of his nation and his love for Walmart. It looks like they rolled back the price on the dealie of a wheelie he got there. He leads an Eastern Spanglish crusade leaving a trail of stripes and stars to follow the fight for equality in the south Bronx. A battle is among them and although they reign on different coasts their can only be one low riding king. Who shall it be?....
We wanted to take the time out today and showcase an incredible talent that shouldn't be overlooked and make The Rock Hall Of Fame Foundation change it's criteria for admittance. We are of course talking about the one and fucking only Croatian key tar shredding goddessBelinda Bedekovic. Some of you may remember her in Borat's movie but that shit didn't do her justice.
Her mother bought her first keyboard at the age of 3 and named it "Red Bambi" an an ode to her favorite film at the time. Even though her prodigal fingers were ahead of her time she waited till she was 11 to form her first band called Belinda Band. This may explain why Belinda Carlisle called her first band The Go Go's. Go Go find Belinda Bedekovic.... She's the only woman in the world who's fingers don't sleep so we Are honored to introduce the one and only classy Croatian BELINDA!
Ni hao bitches! Tis a snail shit slow Saturday around these parts. Not sure how many of your nutsies out there braved the dreaded Break Me Off Some Friday, but we stayed in and bummed around ala squatter style. You know in holey dirty sweats, knotted hair, and giving each other homemade face tattoos.
Anyhaaaay, feeling a tinge of nostalgia with the holidays approaching, we dug into our treasure chest of infomercial treats aka, YouTube, and are resurrecting the precious gem of Pearl Cream.
As you watch, take note on how Miss Szechuan-Stylie Suzie Wong refers to herself and this ancient secret as "Oriental" and how having a face lift was all the rage. Ahh the good ole days!
At first glance, many of you may think this pic was snapped at a hipster rally at McCarren Pool, but it's original origin is from the family photo album of Britney's Sweet 16 Bash back home in Louisiana. The hotstepper on the left is her first cousin Verne "Matchstick" Wallabee and on the right is her childhood babysitter Mr. Windthorp Bartholomule the III.
Ahhh bandanas. Used world wide in many cultures and by farmers and cowboys, they also have a huge significance in the hip hop community and throughout the entire fashion world. What color you choose and where you place the bandana can also represent what gang you're in or what type of homosexual fetish you have, referring specifically to the the Hanky Codehttp://ilovethisworld.com/?p=854 Looks like Snoop is representing the "Crips" and is a "Fucker" which we translate to simply mean a fashionably crippled mother fucker.
And then we have Popcorn Pussy Price and Bobblehead Trendy. Aren't they just a vision of dribbly designer diarrhea, smeared with a cashmere sash of hobo toe crust? Not only does Phoebe look like a cat vomit mash up of Slash and Linda Perry ala 4 Non Blonde days, but Busted Ass Bobby shames Chanel by wearing a Chinatown Special knock off of their duds. And they both look more like they walked out of a 2 for 1 bin than the high end fashion houses of Rainbow and Joyce Leslie.
Dont front, you know nothing looks more higher end then the shit that Rainbow puts out!
Picked, Sliced and Squeezed. The Trials and Tribulations of the Citrus-y Ex Athlete, OJ Simpson. That's the working title of the made for TV movie about Shady Simpson and his jacked up life.
Can anyone out there tell us why in flippy fuck this man was even allowed to roam free in the first place? We're not going to rehash 1995 ya'll, but just know that what goes around comes around and if you think you can beat the system, youz dead wrong!It's like that riveting, barrier breaking epic film Final Destination showed us, once you've been marked, yo shit is up.
You Do Not Pass Go. You Do Not Collect $200. Sorry for that little monopoly outburst...It's a Milton Bradley kinda of day...
Anysquirt, Shady Simpson's done punched his last time card and is finally getting the punishment he deserve, although it's for a different crime. This guilty mothaf-er was arrested in Vegas for thieving in the night, like some common arse thug. The best was that he was caught trying to steal back some crappy ass sports memorabilia of himself which he claimed was stolen from him.
Priceless audio was captured from that fateful night in Vegas, which was submitted and played in court. Shady Simpson was recorded saying
"I'm O.J. Simpson. How am I going to think that I'm going to rob somebody and get away with it? Besides, I thought what happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas"
You know who should have a reality show? This juggernaut! Quotes like that, would really rock the ratings, and blow shows like Hogan Knows Best out of the water. But we think it's best that this thumbalina turd nugget rot behind bars and the jury has also agreed. By giving him 13 years in the pen, maybe Bonkers McGinty can find Jesus and write his memoirs.
So after ShadySimpson was brought to his holding cell he was heard winding and grinding the jail bars to this shady soundtrack:
What Happens in Vegas DOESN'T Stay In Vegas Mix: 1. Las Vegas With the Lights Out - Geggy Tah 2. Locked Up - Akon 3. Better Luck Next Time - Oingo Boingo 4. It Sucks To Be You - Quiet Riot 5. It Aint A Crime- House of Pain 6. O.P.P. -Naughty By Nature 7. Rhymin & Stealin - The Beastie Boys 8. Guilty - Lou Reed 9. Shame On a N*gga - Wu-Tang Clan 10.Memorabilia - Soft Cell 11. Been Caught Stealing - Jane's Addiction 12. The Boy Done Wrong Again - Belle & Sebastian
There should be a rule in life that doesn't allow hot bitches to die. So were are extremely sadden that the most delectable hot bitch Paul Newman passed away of cancer. And for all of you who think hot bitch only means outer beauty you fools are surely mistaken. This Hot Bitch was an actor, entrepreneur, film director, humanitarian and an auto racer.
Let's just talk about Newman's Own for a twinkling. His company has donated %100 of it's profits which has reached over $250 million dollars to educational and charitable services since it's royal conception in 1982. That is hot, bitch. Forget the money though, the most important thing we will remember is the those fucking banging and enchanting mint oreos he made. So what if his food was granola, that shit is still blue-ribbon stoner nosh. All his goods are the shit!
We nearly shit ourselves when we found out Newman was color blind. He wanted to be a pilot while he was in the Navy and shit and found out he was colorblind so homeboy was grounded without wings. What the fuck is that like not to be able to see color? It has to be boring but maybe he spiced up his retinas with his picturesque imagination. We can't believe those appetizing eyeballs couldn't make out a color. Poor hot Bitch.
Lets all remember his dopeness by spending this yucky caca Saturday and watching some of his greatest films like Cool Hand Luke, Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, Exodus and The Color Of Money where he finally won a long deserved Oscar. But our favorite has to be Hombre. The slogan was "Hombre means MAN... Paul Newman is HOMBRE!" If that's not on his gravestone we have not don't the man justice.
Just before Paul's death he was last heard listening to his favorite mix which was believed to make him see the color blue like his crystal blue balls. You will be missed Paul.
"Paul Newman's Opus" Mix 1. Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera 2. You Sexy Thing - Hot Chocolate 3. Lost In the Supermarket - The Clash 4. Salad Bowl - Nick Alexander 5. Popcorn - Hot Butter 6. No Cars Go - Arcade Fire 7. You May Know Him - Cat Power 8. I Give You Give Blind - Crosby, Still & Nash 9. Forever Young - Rod Stewart 10. Heart Of Gold - Neil Young 11. I Can Only Give You Everything - MC5 12. 8 Ball -Underworld
Well isn't this just a lovely little Saturday we're having? Gray black skies, torrential down pours, and for those of you that are lucky, a big bag of weed! Thanks to HurriCocaine Hannah we have an excuse to be lazy pieces of dookie all day and not feel guilty about doing nada!
Isn't interesting that even the weather is now falling under the Emo spell, where "Tropical Depression" is the actual term for a shit storm?! We're sorry, but when we see little rivers being formed in the streets and pieces of crackhead huts floating by, we're pretty sure that Mother Nature is doing a lil pee pee and cockie all over us aka a HurriCocaine.
We here at Gabba actually look forward to HurriCocaine season. That's when we get to relish in the fact that all the rich fucks in dirty jersey are getting their basements flooded and we can watch the weather anchors get tossed around like hookers at a bachelor party.
In honor of this most special time of year, we've compiled some tangy little nuggets of sound for you to sit back, blaze up, and jam out to...nude!
"Angel Tears" Mix 1. Da Rain - Missy Elliot 2. Temperature - Sean Paul 3. Umbrella - Rhianna 4. Blame It On The Rain - Milli Vanilli 5. Only Happy When It Rains - Garbage
That's rite "Pop-N-Lock" Barack it's always wise to stretch your knees after a delivering a splendorous acceptance speech. He polished of his Denver nuggets at the Pepsi center last night to a record breaking number of eyewitness's making him the projected winner of Project America. Pop-N-Lock held the crowds attention touching on controversial topics like abortion, tax cuts and 2-Pac... dead or alive? He says alive and that makes us our mutha fucking man!
This past week the ever so fly Pop-N-Lock Barack announced his design partner would be Joe "Ridin" Biden U.S. Senator of magical Delaware . Given their age combination and technical difficulty of couture in the making the McShitStain/Painlin dou are in trouble. Barack/Biden have been planning the country makeover after the 8 years of watching Curious George W. Kush and Prick Cheneys horrid Mens Warehouse Collection. Now that is change we can believe in!
While working on their portfolios they handpicked these inspiring tunes that will be used on the catwalk until then don't forget to vote for your fan favorite. Remember one day your in an the next day your aufd!
It hardly seems fair to post about "Baby Dick Blaine" since he's about as relevant as the fake tits on Tara Reid, but seeing as how he's taking his two bit carny show to another "extreme" we figured we'd do his ass a solid and talk about it.
Baby Dick is slated to perform "The Batman Stunt" officially called David Blaine: Dive of Death in which he'll hang upside down for three days and two nights in NYC's Central Park forgoing any food or water.
We're sure that all the sexual deviants and crack fends are psyched about this ding dong bringing all the cameras and tourists out to their quaint nook of necrophilia, but we can only hope that at the end of the stunt the rope will be cut and the real bloodsuckers will rip his ass from limb to limb and dine on his feeble brown flesh.
To gear up for his next cunt stunt, Baby Dick created a new play list to get is mojo rising:
"The Shocker 2 in the pink, 1 in the Stink" Mix
1. I Believe I Can Fly - R. Kelly 2. Dancing on the Ceiling - Lionel Richie 3. I Go To Extremes - Billy Joel 4. Magic Carpet Ride - Steppenwolf 5. Get Off My Cloud -The Rolling Stones 6. If My Nose Was Running Money (I'd Blow it all on You) - Aaron Wilburn 7. How Bizarre - OMC
8. Things that Make You Go Hmmmm... - C & C Music Factory
