Holy fuck buttons. What day is it? What year is it? What queer is it? Listen all you gorgeous Gabba gabbers, we've just emerged from a 16 day boink and blazing binge and we're not sure what's reality and what's make believe. All we know is that we're fuckin starving and buck ass nude. Somewhere between the hazy bong bubble and vortex of Vicodin we've emerged changed women. We've been to the core and back, to Middle Earth, to the corner bodega, and we've got some new tricks up our silky blouse sleeves.
Truth be told, we've been recruited by Crazy Cake Cruise to work on a top victoria's secret Scientology mish and it's been taking us away from our beloved blog. This isnt the end, merely a quick breather. Kind of like an intermission in a six hour sex romp. We plan to revisit our little baby bloggington, and continue to bless you like it's a holy motha fuckin communion with trashy tid bids of our favorite internet nut burgers. So while we nuzzle with Crazy Cakes and fist fight Suri for the remote just know that we're never that far away and will always have something to say.
How do you begin to comment on the amazing man, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.? To put it simply, you don't get streets named after you or a National holiday for being just a regular dude! MLK was a dreamer, a humanitarian, a father, a husband, a minister, a teacher, and above all a loving human being. If we could all have an ounce of his compassion or his insight we'd be a much happier and united country. Maybe that's just wishful thinking, but it doesn't seem too far fetched.
Of course when you have bunghole blubber brains running the country it's hard to get far ahead, but it's a new dawn, it's a new day, a new life..FOR EVERYONE!
Well you wont be getting any if you're wearing this shit on your head. If we saw you strolling around with this caca cap, we'd smack the patriotism right out of you while singing the national anthem. Yup, that's how we roll. We keep it real in the land of the free and the brave, and you've got to be one brave brotha to sport this honky hat.
Stupid is as stupid does. Yup...Sally Field had that shizel right when she told her youngling Forrest Gump those very words. But unlike Forrest, Long Islands horniest Ho since Amy Fischer, IS just a plain ol' blister brain.
This past weekend in Paris, the Dykling Ducks aka LezLo and Crotch Rot Ronson were sleazing across the red carpet-munching at the VIP Room Theatre when a protester from PETA pelted LezLo with a flour bomb, for donning a fur stole.
For serious, nothing gets our nerples harder than a mash up of PETA's "balls of steel" protesters and the celebs being harassed. It's honestly gives us the same fuzzy feeling as when we were young tots and there was a snow day to get us out of school...we'd get to stay home and watch the original Price Is Right and re-runs of that British queen Mr. Belvedere. You know he always wanted a piece of Wesley T. Owen's ass chips.
Anywhore, today LezLo's official bento box licker stood up for her main cooch and said that her dog was more civilized than the PETA attacker. And that no one has the right to act like that whether someone is wearing fur or not. Bitch please, the only reason she's so defensive about this shiz is because that stole wasn't made from animal fur, it was a wrap she crafted out of her ass beard and pubie clippings.
We give PETA Two Snaps, a Tittie Twist and a French Kiss for a job well done. Maybe listening to this little mix will help scissor some sense in those beaver bumpers.
Veggie Tales Mix:
1. Baby Powder - Boo ft Young Jeezy 2. Gothcha - Dj Deeon 3. Hit Me With Your Best Shot - Pat Benatar 4. Filthy Gorgeous- Scissor Sisters 5. Shame, Shame, Shame – Shirley & Company 6. Paris - Friendly Fires 7. Dumb – Nirvana
8. You Get What You Deserve - Big Star
9. Cruel – Tori Amos
10. Out To Get You- James
11. Flowerbomb - Eddy De Clercq & Friends
12. Rabbit Fur Coat – Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins
Yesterday, Sunday night TV was infested with the airing of the 2008 MTV VMA's also know as Vomiting Mutant Assdots. This stinkfest was the worst piece of crap to hit the airwaves since 7th Heaven. Honestly, the above pic should have been what those so called performers received last night... roasted pieces of hairy, rank moon-ing men.
Seriously thought, we would have preferred having that Ramen Noodle lips "Wannabe a VJ" winner Jesse host this garbage instead of jizz licker Russell Brand! If they're going to bring in a homeless looking host, then at least give it to someone who really needs a free meal and not some British pony fucker.
And another thing...all anyone can talk about is how last night was Food Stamp Spears' big cumback. Come on, it's pretty clear that all they did was slap on some Wet-N-Wild cosmetics, glue on a couple of new "Dreamcatchers Hair Extensions, by Paris Hilton (no shit, that's the name of her donkey-ass hair pieces) and put her in a Joyce Lesbian bargain bin dress.
Food Stamps Spears could have at least did a little lip syncing and body waving to deserve those awards. I mean Expired Aguilera did it, so in true competitive Disney dyke style, Food Stamp Spears should have attempted to Superman that hoe.
We must say, that with all the diarrhea stains slithering up and down the stage, at least there was no sign of Fragile Fuck Fergie. We're tired of seeing that meth face. The only time we can actually stand to see this crotch wad is when she's pissing in her spandex pants or being tea bagged by the rest of the Black Eye Sleeze.
And Seriously. Seriously. Who the fuck are these German dookieberries, Tokio Hotel? The lead singer looks like he got hit in the face with a Heidi Klum qeef and a smacked with a Hasselhoff hemorrhoid. We're fairly certain that the lead singer makes wigs out of his own waxed crack hair and deep throats dread lock cock boy.
We can only hope that next year, all these flemwad, cock smokers are wiped off our planet while this play list blasts in their dishonor...
"Poppin Bubble Gum Pop Scum" Mix 1. Is This It - The Strokes 2. Self Esteem - The Offspring 3. Everything About You - Ugly Kid Joe 4. Wait and Bleed - Slipnot 5. Another Word For Desperate - Daylight Run 6. Love To Hate You - Erasure 7. Road to Nowhere - Talking Heads 8. Useless - Depeche Mode 9. Loser - Beck 10. You Make Me Sick - Pink 11. Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus 12. Talentless Fucks - Dive Dive Bonus Track 13. Fade to Grey - Visage
