GABBA GABBA HAAAAY

Toot Toot Awww Beep Beep

2009-03-30T22:09:00.005-04:00

Holy fuck buttons. What day is it? What year is it? What queer is it? Listen all you gorgeous Gabba gabbers, we've just emerged from a 16 day boink and blazing binge and we're not sure what's reality and what's make believe. All we know is that we're fuckin starving and buck ass nude. Somewhere between the hazy bong bubble and vortex of Vicodin we've emerged changed women. We've been to the core and back, to Middle Earth, to the corner bodega, and we've got some new tricks up our silky blouse sleeves.

Truth be told, we've been recruited by Crazy Cake Cruise to work on a top victoria's secret Scientology mish and it's been taking us away from our beloved blog. This isnt the end, merely a quick breather. Kind of like an intermission in a six hour sex romp. We plan to revisit our little baby bloggington, and continue to bless you like it's a holy motha fuckin communion with trashy tid bids of our favorite internet nut burgers. So while we nuzzle with Crazy Cakes and fist fight Suri for the remote just know that we're never that far away and will always have something to say.

Catch ya on the tit flip...

They're Having a Senior Moment

2009-03-03T21:27:00.015-05:00

Times, they are a changeling.

The once dapper, don't fuck with me duo, who used to tote guns and major tude are now sportin liver spots and Life Alert. We guess it's true that all good things do fade away, but damn why these two, WHY?!? Apparently I'mma Cut Ya Up Clint Eastwood and Morgan Freak Nasty Freeman have entered into the super senior territory and are now required to have a full time doc on the set of their new movie. What in mother fuckin metamucil madness is going on here? The movie they're making is a bio pic about Nelson Mandela, not a stunt cunt heavy action flicka.

Listen Hollywood, these two 70-somethings make are heart lights shine bright. No one can smolder like Clinty Cakes and no one can voice-over like Captain Morgan, so we need to figure out a way to freeze the dopeness duo in time so they'll forever be at our movie making disposal.

Depend On Depends Mix:

1. Grandpa Tell Me Bout The Good Ole Days - The Judds

2. Doctor Doctor - Thompsin Twins

3. Hospital Beds - Cold War Kids

4. Night Nurse - Gregory Isaacs

5. Joga - Bjork

6. Hips Don't Lie - Shakira Ft. Wyclef Jean

7. Emergency Room - Akon Ft. Rihanna

8. Wrinkles - Diamond Rio

9. On Call - Kings Of Leon

10. Emergency - Muse

11. Meds - Placebo

12. Old Fart At Play - The Captain Beefhart Band

Candies

2009-03-03T20:26:00.008-05:00

Ummm seriously, is Candies Shoes hyped up on some sort of coke laced Willy Wonka gobstopper or something?? Why oh why is Britney Fears the new face of their campaign? The wart toad doesn't even like wearing shoes, so how do they think she's a good spokesperson for hocking them. We guess the similarities are kinda there. Both Fears and Candies are cheap, both cause blisters and they're both loved by southern simpleton sluts, so maybe this marriage does work out after all. That would be a first for Brit Twit.

Past Candies cooters have included Jenny "Jack Me" McCarthy, Foul Face Fergie, Ashy Ass Simpson and Hayden Pantie(Stain)ttiere. We guess Candies has a thing for dumb blonde's like Hangy Balls Hugh Hefner. Anyhaaaay, check out the lame ass pic of Twitney below and you tell us if you think she's trashy or classy.

Shoe Shine Shimmy Mix:

1. Sell Me Candy - Rhianna
2. Watch My Feet - Dude And Them
3.Stilletos - Crime Mob
4. Bad Sneakers - Steely Dan
5. Get On Your Boots - U2
6. Blue Suede Shoes - Elvis Presley
7. Diamonds On The Soles Of Her Shoes - Paul Simon
8. Little Black Sandals - Sia
9. Mary Jane Shoes - Fergie
10. Stripper Heels - Brick N' Lace
11. These Boots Are Made For Walking - Nancy Sinatra
12. Teeth God's Like Shoeshine - Modest Mouse

Oodles of Noodles

2009-03-02T13:11:00.009-05:00

Who doesn't love Insta-noodles?? They're great for all the welfare waged fuckers out there who can't spend more than 25 cents on a meal. The noods are cranked up with carbs so you stay full for hours and even though your lips pucker and wrinkle with the amount of sodium in those stringy suckers, it's worth it cause it hurts so good. Kinda like anal.

Anyhaaaay, it's always refreshing to see that celebs ARE "Just Like Us" as Us Weekly would say. Kate Beckinsale loves her some Raman or "Pot Noodles" as they are called in the UK. Of course the Brits have to have the better soup slurpin brand name!!! We'll forever be in their shadow. So, Beckinsalisbury Steak was quoted at Elton John's Big Gay Soiree (aka his Oscar after party) saying to the pap's that all she really wanted to do was go home, ride a big black dildo, and eat some Pot Noodles. Ok, the black dillie part isn't true, but you know she likes the dark meat, even if she won't admit it. She played a goth for Satan's sake!

So the noodlers over at Pot Noodle got wind of this celebrity big up's and were so stoked that they named a flava after her..." Steak & Beckinsale". We can only wonder if Beckinsalsbury Steak is gonna eat herself or not. If she does, we hope Madame Gothica has a video tape handy so all the little Underworldlings can get their rocks off!

Just Add Water Mix:

1. Say My Name - Destiny's Child

2. Yummy - Gwen Stefani Ft. Pharrel

3. The Soup - Regina Spektor

4. 32 Flavors - Ani Difranco

5. Chicken Noodle Soup - Dj Webster

6. Steak For Chicken - The Moldy Peaches

7. I Honor You - Canibus

8. She's Perfect - Jimmy Eat World

9. Eat The Rich - Motorhead

10. The Pot - Tool

11. Lucky You - The National

12. Eat It - Weird Al Yankovic

Amores Perros

2009-03-01T11:20:00.006-05:00

What do you get when you combine Cesar Milan, David LaChapelle and Micheal Galanes? You get mutha fucking Vitalic Birds! We haven't a crystal ball clue on what exactly a vitalic bird is but if this video is any indication then where can we get such a pet?

Never has glamour, flying dog hair and ambient beats come together so perfectly. We feel like the Westminster Dog Show needs to step up their competition and incorporate the wicked style-e that are Vitalic Birds. It sure as shit will broaden their audience will it not? And please put a pita a PETA's spokewhore peeper. These animals are not being thrown they are fucking flying on their own!

Hey Fatty...

2009-02-28T13:31:00.009-05:00

Listen, everyone wants to be thinner. Wants to be more desirable and comfortable in their own skin, but the cold hard fact is that most of us are fatties sporting thunder thighs or muffin tops. And you know those seemingly friendly co-workers who randomly say you look like you've lost weight, well we're 99% sure they're lying, because they probably like seeing you waddle into work, which in turn makes them feel better about themselves.

Well we have the solution to this Pringle poppin problem. It's the Wonder Sauna Hot Pants! Not only will you be able to shed the those unwanted pounds easily and without actually working out, but you can comfortably wear these hot pants around town, and no one would know the difference. They're so versatile and stylish, you can pair them with your favorite fringe top and heels, or dress em down with a sports bra and sneaks...and you'll still be the belle of the ball.

The best part about this little number is that they do all the work for you. So you can keep sitting there on your dimpled dumper, dine on fine Hostess treats and watch the pounds melt away. Whoever said you had to break a sweat and get your heart rate up to loose weight is clearly a butter brain and doesn't know a thing about weight loss!

Slim Jim

2009-02-27T20:33:00.007-05:00

Coldgay! They are the fuckin plague and we blame it all on Paltrhoe. That skinny bitch ruined the band as soon as she spread her lanky legs and sprayed her vegan vapors in the face of Chris Fartin. It was all downhill from there and as the old saying goes "Misery Loves Company". Thats exactly what Fart Boy is up to. Since Paltrhoe and Robert Downey Detergent Jr. did that little "under the radar" indie flick Iron Man, they for some funked up reason bonded and she's since introduced him to her hubby. See, this is why sobriety sucks, cause you know that old school fucked up Downey Detergent wouldn't so much as piss on that bitch's upper lip, but now that he's all boring and sober he's falling for her shit spell.

Anyhaaaay, Chris Fartin is apparently a huge fan (aka tool) of Sherlock Holmes and told Downey Detergent that Holmesy was actually a tall, skinny bitch...much like his wife. And he suggested that to stay true to the character, he needs to shed the lbs. And froopy loops Downey is actually listening to shit poop talk!!!! This nana has Paltrhoe written all over it. Since she's as exciting as a floating turd nugget, she's out to ruin everyone's fun. Food equals fun and if you don't like to indulge on maple syrup covered bacon or chocolate covered ANYTHING, you're as bland as that bitch in the sack. Uggggh we shutter to think of her actually have sex.

Put This In Your Pipe Mix

1. I Don't Wanna Eat It - DJ Quick

2. La Dieta - Banda Fresa

3. Skinny Love - Bon Iver

4. Hey Good Looking - Hank Williams Sr.

5. Watching The Detectives - Elvis Costello

6. You Should Be A Model - Mr. Capone E.

7. Losing Weight Part 2 - Cam'Ron

8. Peer Pressure - Pretty Ricky

9. My Favorite Food Is You - ABACABB

10. The Real Slim Shady - Eminem

11. Pump Up Song - Gary Glitter (Friday Night Lights)

12. Workout Theme - Rocky IV Soundtrack

Drunky Skunky Duo

2009-02-26T20:02:00.010-05:00

Yes!!! This story is the best booze news we've heard all week. Apparently the LiLi Liquor Lovers, Lindsay and Lily, are becoming besties right before our very drunk eyes. The British Bish and Hollywood Hooker-Hoe, have bonded (probably over a pile of blow) and are acting like 16 year old stupies. They're planning an island vaca together, which isn't sooo bad, but honestly, those sweet island folk don't need to be terrorized by these twizzle twats. Poor St. Lucia is still playing host to Amy Box O Winehouse. Can't we give the islands a break??

Anyhaaaay, the best part about these fucker balls is that they are utterly unoriginal and straight up style biters. Not only did they go out and get matching tats (gross we know!), but they copped Rihanna's style in the process. They got "Shhh" inked on their index fingers a few weeks after RiRi got that ish done. But knowing tweedle dee and tweedle dum, the reference is more directly related to sliding their fingers in each others shhh-iter holes and not silencing the voices.

Either way, we're kinda down with this little union, cause it can only lead to drunken nights, nip slips, clit licks...and we approve of that!

Girls Next Door Mix:

1. We're Going To Be Friends - The White Stripes

2. Let's Duet - Dewey Cox

3. Girls Just Want To Have Fun - Cindy Lauper

4. Not Gonna Get Us - T.A.T.U

5. Drinking in L.A. - Bran Van 3000

6. The Party's Just Begun - The Cheetah Girls

7. Cocaine - The Rolling Stones

8. Naughty Girl - Mr. G

9. I Like My Women A Little On The Trashy Side - Travis Tritt

10. Bikini Girls With Machine Guns - The Cramps

11. Drinking In The Driveway - Lil' Rob

12. What About Your Friends - TLC

We're Lovin It!

2009-02-25T15:59:00.007-05:00

Let the sun shine.

Let the sun shine in.

The suuuuun, shine in...

Yes people its a happy (meal) kinda day because this late breaking story is every stoners daydream. Well...aside from the getting arrested part. Apparently a really eager, entrepreneur based out of Maryland was working at a Mickey D's drive thru and moonlighting as a reefer runner. This super sized smarty was caught selling extra value meals with a side of the sweet leafs. But his ass isn't as slick as the Hamburglar and got caught by the fuzz.

You kinda have to admire the 27 year old Donald Brice for bringing the fast food fantasy to life. Homenugget just needed to tighten up his game, and this operation would have been the bees knees. Imagine rolling up to the drive thru, stoned outta your gourd and not only getting chemically enhanced fucked food, but also a goodie baggie of herb. We would shit right there on the spot. Literally! We'd poop right into a McDonalds parfait cup, cause that's what that ish is anyway! But alas, all good things come to an end, and we'll just have to keep getting our fix the good ole fashion way.

#3 Super Sized Mix:

1. Rock And Roll McDonalds - Wesley Willis

2. I'm Loving It - Justin Timberlake

3. I Crave - Marc Dorsey

4. I can Sell It - E-40 Ft. Cousin Fink

5. I Just Wanna Love You (Give It To Me)- Jay-z

6. The McDonalds Song - Tv Commercial

7. Happy Meal 1 - The Cardigans

8. Taking Care Of Buisness - BTO

9. Alfie - Lilly Allen

10. Let's Go Get Stoned - Sublime

11. Treaty - Yothu Yindi

12. My Drive Thru - Pharrel Ft. Santigold & Julian Casablancas

Fat Ass Drunk Ass Tuesday

2009-02-24T19:35:00.005-05:00

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You just gotta love a celebration that revolves around getting cocked...in the drunk AND horny sense, and all for the glory of cheap plastic anal beads! Fat Ass Drunk Ass Tuesday should be a National holiday ya'll! Except bitches, like the one pictured above, shouldn't be allowed to take their tops off. Either she's an unfortunate tittie fritz with misshaped boobers, or she had a botched up top surgery! Homegirl needs some anal beads to cover those sunny side up eggums. Ew!

Anyhaaaay, you'll never catch our ass up on the street of New Orleans during Mardi Gras. Not cause we can't handle it, its just those crackie ass creepshows who are standing there next to you oogling over your nani's like its feeding time at the nursery. And we aint showin the goodies just for mother humpin anal beads. If they were throwing chocolate covered candy clits, then that would be a different story.

So while all the good Christians are home gearing up for Ash Wednesday, the true sinners are out suckling the creole cockballs in back alleys and funneling jambalaya juice by the cunt load...and THAT is what the spirit of Mardi Gras is all about!

Boobs For Beads Mix:

1. We Like To Party - Vengaboys
2. Dancing In The Street - David Bowie & Mick Jagger
3. Steel Drums - Soca Man
4. Up In Here - DMX
5. Blame It On The Alcohol - Jamie Foxx Ft. T-Pain
6. Iko Iko - The Belle Stars
7. Coco Jumbo - La Bouche
8. Mardi Gras With No Bra On - Travis Matte
9. Party Like A Rock Star - Shop Boyz
10. Tits, Clits, Bong Hits - Kottonmouth Kings
11. Mardi Gras - Second Line
12. Born On Bayou - Creedance Clearwater Revival

Pump Up The Jam

2009-02-22T17:57:00.003-05:00

After yesterday's inspirational video we were ready to hit the streets of the nations capitol and funk some shit up! And yes we did say the nations capitol gabbers. Although NYC is gods greatest creation we all have to get out of at times and buck it down where no one knows your name. We got to shake our Double D's at a faaaagulous dance party where the tequilla flowed like a river Mexicans crossing the border.

The dance party was "off the chain". Wait, what does that even mean anyway??? Well if we had to define that maybe these two above are exactly what we are talking about. Actually it's more like "off the crack" cause only a crackhead pops-n-locks like dat. But what in the shit was homegirl thinking when she rudely interrupted his technique...a slow grind? He stepped that shit into high humping gear. These pervies are perfect for each other and even more perfect to watch after you come home from Sunday's church sermon!

Free To Feel The Funk

2009-02-21T20:52:00.005-05:00

Watching videos like these really makes us yearn for the days of yore, when everyone was on drugs, the music was actually created with real instruments, and you were free to wear fringe and afro's...even if you were a whitey! Sly & The Family Stone not only crank up the cocaine, but they actually gave a Funk. Talented beyond belief and high as the peace bird flies, they truly reigned supreme.

This video of them performing a mash up of Everyday People and Dance To The Music is a priceless gem. From Sly's silky cropped tie top, to Miss Trumpet Tits screaming like a funky junkie, to the amazing live audience shots, each scene literally oozes psychedelic soul.

We're just bitter that we weren't there to be a part of this magic. The only way to try and make this right in our minds, is by calling our mothers and screaming at them from not having been teenage whores and giving birth to us in the right generation... Thanks for nothing moms!!

Feliz Compleanios Cobain

2009-02-20T15:21:00.008-05:00

Today would have marked the day that grunge god, Kurt Cobain, turned 42!!! Forty fuckin two! Damn, if that doesn't make you feel like an old dried up butt nugget, then you can fuck yourself with a heart shaped box! There are so many questions running through our braindangos, if he hadn't committed suicide. Like, would Nirvana have remained a band, or was it inevitable that Dave Grohl would go from little drummer boy to a full grown Foo? Would Kurt have kept sticking his Converse cock in Courtney's crack Hole? Would we still be truly, madly, deeply obsessed with him and his music?

I guess we'll never know, but we do have the amazing music and footage of him to keep reminding us that no matter what he may have thought, he DID change music. He DID change a generation and he DID make a Freddy Krueger type sweater look tasty! We still have a serious Love Buzz for ya Kurt, and tonight we dedicate our love to you!

Smells Like Kurt's Spirit Mix:
1. Lovebuzz - Nirvana

2. On A Plain - Nirvana

3. Heart Shaped Box - Nirvana

4. Drain You - Nirvana

5. About A Girl - Nirvana

6. In Bloom - Nirvana

7. Milk It - Nirvana

8. Molly's Lips - Nirvana

9. Sliver - Nirvana

10. Lithium - Nirvana

11. Aneurysm - Nirvana

12. You Know Your Right - Nirvana

Connect Four Cause They're Poor

2009-02-19T18:24:00.008-05:00

Riddle us this:

What do a Cheap Trick

Fountain of Lame

Christian Gay Boy

And random Asian have in common?

Give up?

They're all starring in the next blockbuster flick titled Desperado Quattro. Ok, not really, but it's pretty fuckin close. Actually, the real story is just as atrocious. Apparently James Iha, of Smashing Pumpkins, Taylor Hanson of Hanson, Bun E. Carlos of Cheap Trick and Adam Schlesinger of Fountains of Wayne are fucking up the music scene by joining faggy forces and getting their groove on as a newly formed band.

The body frosting on this homo hotcake is the title of the band... Tainted Windows. We guess there is some connection between the name and the band, cause you damn well better be looking at this gruesome foursome through tainted windows... they're butt nut funky. We don't know who the brain child is behind this mash up, but just thinking about these fart burgers in the studio together just gives us the heebie jeebies. This unholy union is just wrong...like J.Lo and Death reproducing. Some things just need to be left alone, like J.Lo's snatch and this whack batch.

Why Mix:

1. This Is The New Shit - Marilyn Manson

2. When Worlds Collide - Powerman 5000

3. Wicked And Weird - Buck 65

4. Dream Team Is In The House - L.A. Dream Team

5. Four Become One - Hawthorne Heights

6. Automatic Stop - The Strokes

7. Awful - Hole

8. Strange Times - The Black Keys

9. This Is For Real - Motion City Soundtrack

10. Pretty Odd - Panic At The Disco

11. Fooling Around - Changing Faces

12. What Do You Say In A Moment Like This - Reba McEntire

From MJ to AJ

2009-02-18T19:14:00.008-05:00

AJ of course being short for Auction Jackson, cause that's what this fritter nose has become. Mr Michael has been rockin the pauper style like a champ and is selling off his all weird ass shiz to make sure Con Ed doesn't shut off his electricity. But lets be real for a sec, you know he's pawning off his Peter Pan pj's and the like in a straight up suburban style tag sale. They like to call it an auction cause he's famous and they gotta glam it up a bit for the press, but you know all this junk is laid out on his lawn with little stickies stating their price. They can't fool us!

Those bedazzled tube socks can't be worth more than a buck fifty. We don't give a P.Y.T. if his funky fresh feets where up in them moonwalking through Neverland Ranch. They're straight up Kmart brand cotton with some gems glued on from your local craft shop. And that fuckin terminator type robotic bust. Betcha that crap sells for $25. Now, if it actually lit up, moved, and maybe told us the weather each morning, we'd raise it's net worth to 50 beans.

To be honest though, the portrait and golf cart are actually priceless treasures! We'd give our skin, hair and nails to mount that pic above our mantel (if we actually had a fuckin mantel) and cruise around Brooklyn doing 15 mph in that bad, jahmowah, golf cart. You have to actually feel bad to this doodle dong. He's got to sell all this junk just to make ends meet. Shiiiiit, homie should have just fucked a sugar daddy, and not kids who arent even legal to work in this country, so he could have kept his steelo going. Damn Michael, you not only let us down, you let Bubbles the chimp down too!

Treasure Chest Mix:

1. The Auctioneer - Leroy Van Dyke

2. The Man Who Sold The World - David Bowie

3. Gotta Getcha - Jermaine Dupri Ft. Missy Elliot

4. Don't Stop Till You Get Enough - Micheal Jackson

5. Move Out - Yaz

6. Neverland - The Knife

7. Cleaning House - Peggy Scott Adams

8. Scream - Micheal Jackson & Janet Jackson

9. Lost It All - Cassidy

10. Boulevard Of Broken Dreams - Green Day

11. Bruised Not Broken - Joss Stone

12. It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday - Boys II Men

Fatty Fashion

2009-02-17T14:29:00.008-05:00

Damn, some bitches think they're so f'in smart and sassy, meanwhile they're just lame and trashy! Miss Jessica Slimeson is trying to capitalize on the recent hub bub surrounding the "lard ass" comments. Ok, the tabloids didn't say lard ass, but we did, so just go with it...we're para-puff phrasing. Anyhaaaay, miss Doritos lips is trying to get crafty and has told Elle Magazine:

"I want to create clothes that flatter every figure. I know how a dress can make you feel so frumpy. I promise mine won't. I know what flatters a woman, and trust me, I've been judged a lot in my life. By now I know what works if you're curvy. If my clothing and accessories make you feel great and let you walk proud and tall - in big, big platform shoes - then I'm happy."

What the dick funk is this bitch tokin' on?? We want some of that funny stuff, cause clearly it makes you forget who you are, what you look like, and what other people think of you. If this critch thinks that she knows how to dress then she's as dumb as her face makes her look! Seriously, just from looking at the crap this bitch is squeezing her titty mounds into, we wouldn't let her Oreo crusted fingers touch an article of clothing in our wardrobe! And out of all the designers out there, little miss dip shit thinks she can make cloths to flatter every figure? It's more like "fatter" every figure!!!

Bitch needs to close her eyes, count back from 10 and get a grip on that turkey club, cause ain't no one buying her dreadful duds!

Blonde Ambition Mix:
1. Big Girls Dont Cry - Frankie Vallie
2. Flattery - Aly & Aj
3. Delusional - Saves The Day
4. Runway Music - A&F
5. The Curse Of Curves- Cute Is What We Aim For
6. Stupid Girl - Cold
7. Fashionable - Despised Icon
8. Yeah Right - Dinosaur Jr.
9. Go dummy, Go dummy - Messy Marv
10. Platinum Blonde Life - No Doubt
11. Walk Runway Miss Cunt - Jay Karen Pendavis
12. The Perfect Fit - The Dresden Dolls

Pussy Parade

2009-02-15T18:11:00.003-05:00

We hope you had a cumtasically filled Valentines day coupled or not and thanks to us we did give you a good pleasure pleaser option so you didn't have to spend it all alone if you were. One of us spent the day making cookies with our lover and the other spent the day looking at pussies. I know it's hard to determine who the dyke is just from that sentence. Stop thinking with your peanuckles people when we say pussies of course we mean kitties!!!!

We can not even begin to explain our obsession with these furry fuckers. Kittie videos are our cocaine!!!!!!! Not only did we spend about 6 hours watching bloopers of this shit yesterday, while not getting bored once, but we also found the future Dakota Fanning and she loves kitties too!! Her performance has got to be scripted but who cares it's fucking hilarious and she is bound to be a drug addled child star! You see gabbers dreams do come true!

Pop It With A Red Rocket

2009-02-14T14:14:00.007-05:00

Happy V(eneral Disease) Day to all you love vixens!

Fact: 1 in every 4 bitches has got a little funk on their junk.

Thats shiz is just stank and if you feel a little itch or critch, you best to scratch your ass all the way down to your doc, stat!

So in honor of this whorish holiday, we'd like to suggest the above pictured dilly dil for your Vday pleasures. It's fun for all ages, boys and girls, gay or straight! For the fellas, it's sure to put the kink back in your stink, and for the ladies, your labias will quiver with fire and desire.

Yes that's right, the Tantus Feeldoe Slim Vibrator is the answer to spicing up your sex life and putting the zing back in your thing. Just read the review below from Amazon.com to convince yourself this is the right gift for you and the one you like to stick things in.

17 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

Impressively versatile, June 20, 2007

By	John Doe "Fun Toys" (Arizona) - See all my reviews

This is a double-ended harness-free dildo primarily designed for lesbians to use on each other, but it can be used in a multitude of ways. I purchased it for my wife to use on me anally and it has been fun to use that way. It is a little heavy for her to hold in her vaginal opening and use on me without some assistance, so we have used a harness to help support and control it. She also enjoys using it this way. We have not yet used it for double penetration on her, but we'll get around to it some time. It is made of high quality silicone, so it is easy to clean/disinfect, just don't use silicone based lubes with it.

If this doesn't make you want to run right out and get your very one Tantus tickler, we don't know what will. Just think about all the freedom you'll have without having to put this puppy in a harness. Yes, the reviewer mentioned that his weak ass wife couldn't handle the weight on her own, but that's cause she's probably used to fucking pinky peeshes and hasn't had the pleasure of a 9incher!!

This little pleasure puppy is designed to be harness-free and heaven forbid we fuck with it's true intentions. Stick this little bad boy in all the holes you can handle and watch your lover scream with delight...or fright. Either way, you'll get your moneys worth.

Valentino

2009-02-13T16:28:00.006-05:00

Yup, its that time of year again. Valentines Day. The day that if you're a lonely hearts clubber, you're basically suicidal and don't come out from under the covers until the sun rises on February 15th. Well, we here at Gabba want to help...make this day even worse for ya. We enjoy nothing more than seeing people in distress and laughing at others misfortunes. We feel this way for several reasons:

1. If you're still single and in your late 20's, there IS probably something wrong with you, and you should really put yourself out of your misery now. Why prolong the inevitable?
2. If you let this hearts and farts holiday effect your self esteem, then you're lame, and probably have no game...hence the no significant other to call your own.
And 3rd, we just don't have patience for people who always need to be reassured that they're funny, or cool or that it's not you, it's them. Chances are, you either suck in the sack, have the personality of a dried up turn nugget, or rock a retarded hairstyle. Yup, we're that vain!!

Seriously though, if you're left piddling your skittle or diddle every night and cant find someone to lay the funk down on, you should just sew up your privates forever....they're worthless and unnecessary. So to help guide the razor to your wrist and put you out of your misery, we've complied a suicidal set list for you to play while you meet your maker. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY LOSER!

Broken Hearts Club Mix
1. What Is Love - Haddaway

2. Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus

3. Careless Whisper - George Micheal

4. Against All Odds - Phil Collins

5. Do You Really Want To Hurt Me - Culture Club

6. Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely - Backstreet Boys

7. All Out Of Love - Air Supply

8. Foolish Games - Jewel

9. Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Bonnie Tyler

10. All By Myself - Celine Dion

11. Crazy - Patsy Cline

12. Love Hurts - Nazareth

Bonus Track

13. You've Lost That Loving Feeling - The Righteous Brothers

Going Gay The Kanye Way

2009-02-12T23:18:00.004-05:00

Why? Why we ask is this anal wart a famous celebrity millionaire?? Yes, his music gets you moving, but his fuckin face and doodie dribble that spews from his mouth is enough to make us want to shank him in the night! Killing Us Softly Kanye is back to his blog, this time cranking our ridiculous thoughts that probably come straight from his bunghole. He's saying some ishcabibble that goes a lil something like this:

"Man I think as straight men we need to take the rainbow back because it's fresh." It looks fresh. I just think that because stereotypically gay people got such good like style that they were smart enough to take a fresh-ass logo like the rainbow and say that it's gonna be theirs. But man I think we need to have the rainbow — the idea of colors , life and colors and stuff, I mean how is that a gay thing? Colors? Having a lot of colors is gay?"

No Kanye, you're gay cause you say things like this and expect people to agree with you cause your ego is the size of JLo, Puerto Rican coolo! Seriously though, is he for real or has be been sipping on "Be Kanye" tablets too long??

Straight Pride Mix:
1. Colours - Hot Chip
2. I'm Blue - Eiffel 65
3. Paranoid - Kanye West Ft. Kid Cudi
4. Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Judy Garland
5. You're So Gay - Katy Perry
6. Pretty In Pink - The Psychedelic Furs
7. Amber - 311
8. A Lack Of Color - Death Cab For Cutie
9. Fashion Tips - Fear Before The March Of Flames
10. Kaleidoscope God - Scar Symmetry
11. To Be Myself Completely - Belle & Sebastian
12. Fruity - Young Drop

It's My Way Martha

2009-02-10T23:16:00.004-05:00

Martha, Martha, Martha

This wackalackadingdong is out for blood and doesnt care who she slays. Miss Prim and Proper is taking her love for neatness to the ExTrEmE!! Aside from being a fuckin ex-con thief, she's also a crazy corporate dicktator. As recently gabbed about on Gawker.com and in the next issue of The National Enquirer, it's been said that Martha doesn't allow her little publishing underlings to have any personal pics or "clutter" at their work stations. The only thing they are allowed to have at their desks is the commemorative light up Martha bust to help keep them focused throughout the day. Ha- ok, that's totally the weed talking and we def made that last part up, but we had ya going there for a sec didnt we?

Anyhaaaay, the shiz that we ARE serious about is that Make It Yourself Martha is a power hungry piranha and if you work for her, she basically owns your soul.

Anal Queen Mix:

1. Clean Up Woman - Betty Wright

2. Analyze - The Cranberries

3. Don't Forget The Rules - Charlie Closuer

4. Red Alert - Basement Jax

5. Back To Black - Amy Winehouse

6. All White Bricks - Gucci Mane

7. Picture - Kid Rock & Sheryl Crow

8. Mother Knows Best - Crystal Castles

9. Zero - Smashing Pumpkins

10. I Can See Clearly Now - Jimmy Cliff

11. If You Don't Know Me By Now - Simply Red

12. It's Not Up To You - Bjork

Milk and Smokies

2009-02-10T13:42:00.000-05:00

You know this world is fucked up when even the brits start penalizing heros. It was reported a few blaze ago that, 72 year old Robert Holding was arrested for selling sweet sweet marijuana to a bunch of elderly peeps while he did is legal job of selling leche. Let us break it on down for for you in stoner time. Homehustler is 72!!!! He delivers mother's milk AND herb to the elderly. He is British, which automatically makes him cooler. We kinda wanna have conjugal visits with the marvelous multitasker.

Holding was quite literally "holding" as he made is rounds as a milkman in Burnely, England. Ok, in a town called Burnely and with the last name Holding, it's like the sun and weed seeds collided to create the perfect senior smoker to help spread the love of mary jane. So can you really blame Holding for trying to his fellow wrinkle bags? Give these elderly addicts a break. They're old, they're going to croak soon, let them enjoy their last few years by chugging vitamin d-elish and smoking on a sweet spliff.

This guy shouldn't be going to jail, he should be honored with a big ass orgy and his face on the British pound!

Senior Discount Mix:

1. Pusherman - Curtis Mayfield

2. (Good Times) I Get High - Styles P.

3. Full Service - New Kids On The Block

4. Burn It Down (Death Magnetic) - Metallica

5. Milk - Garbage

6. I'm A Drug Dealer - Jim Jones

7. Old Man - Neil Young

8. England Swings - Roger Miller

9. Delivery Man - The Cool Kids

10. Milkman - Aphex Twin

11. Just What I Needed - The Cars

12. Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town - Pearl Jam

Show Stoppin Scrunchies

2009-02-10T13:41:00.002-05:00

This velveteen dream is a vision in verde. But really though she should be choked with her over sized scrunchie. The only excuse we'll accept is that she's blind and can't make a sensible fashion decision on her own.

Shoe Hoo

2009-02-10T13:38:00.002-05:00

The Whammy's

2009-02-09T18:24:00.011-05:00

Ok so in a nutshell the 2009 Grammy's were actually entertaining. So much so that we didn't switch over to watch Rock of Love Bus, and that's saying something. We really love our STD filled Sunday shows. Anyhaaaay, we've wedgie picked our highlights from last nights shiz and to page fromage to the Grammy's of yore, we've complied a playlist of the 12 best and worst songs the Whammys have honored.

Last night's skylights:

K, so the collabo with Common Cold(play) and Jay-Zzzz's made us feel weird and uncomfortable. Kinda like when you stumble into the bathroom when your friends dad is getting out of the shower. You dont want to look, but you kinda have to, and then you totally regret looking.

Carrie Igotwood really has a killer voice, but too bad her stylist dooped her. She sent that bitch out there wearing a negligee straight from Blanche Devereau's closet on the Golden Girls.

Kinda loved Sugarland and Adele's acceptance speeches. It tickles our pickle to see people act goofy and doofy, yet sincere and queer.

Hey Krankye, the black Michael Jackson called and said he wants his 80's look back. Seriously though, Krankye's pic-ed out poof doo, sequins blazer and skinny tie looked like he jumped right out of an 80's prom scene... but Estelle you're fuckin fabu!! We double heart you.

Blink 182- Wow they're reuniting. Can we ask a question...who gives a booger?

Did we hallucinate or did Coldgay really get the Grammy for Best Song & Rock Album?? Yuk, snarf, barf. God they're so vanilla. And not vanilla bean, but organic vanilla frozen yogurt. The kinda that tastes ok at first lick, but then after a few more licks its true flavor comes out and just leaves you with a funky film all over your mouth. Thus vowing you to never try that again.

Rap Pack: No one on the corners got a belly like that, belly like that, belly belly like that. God we love M.I.A. Our homebitch should have faked her water breaking and freak everyone out. And again Krankye looks like something from the 80's only this time it was a cross between MJ circa "Dont Stop Til You Get Enough" and Tubs from Miami Vice. Lil Wayne and Jay-Zzzz's were aiiight, but mmmm T.I. is just F.I.N.E.

Challah! Seriously, who doesnt love the Jewish Elvis? Neil Diamond tickles our temple and when we hear is smooth grooves we cant help but get star of david struck.

Radiohead was like a cosmic caress on the lips of a Kraken, but really we can do without the Clay Aiken hairdo, Thom.

Plant/Krauss totally took over, but fuck it, that song is the shit...what's the title of it again?

The Whammys Mix:

1. All I Wanna Do - Sheryl Crow

2. Bette Davis Eyes - Kim Carnes

3. Higher Love - Steve Winwood

4. Another Day In Paradise - Phil Collins

5. Rosanna - Toto

6. Smooth - Carlos Santana & Rob Thomas

7. Just The Way You Are - Billy Joel

8. Kiss From A Rose - Seal

9. My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion

10. Rehab - Amy Winehouse

11. Sunny Came Home - Shawn Colvin

12. Hotel California - The Eagles