Yes fackers, it's our second installment of Denim Dreams and we've got a brand new batch of bowel movement inducing jean jackets for you to feast your eyes upon. While some might say it's fucked up of us to ridicule people's personal taste and love of these horrid clothing items, we honestly don't give a fribble bibble. It's called freedom of speech nerples, and we're exercising our right to do just that.
First up is this absurdly amature attempt at airbrushing, which is clearly paying hommage to the family dog. But one might wonder if this person really is paying tribute or mocking their four legged friend cause this shit looks like stir fried dookie bits with a side of schmegma fritters. Our only wish was that this pic actually had the person wearing this little gem so we can make fun of the way they look too.
Now this little doozy is just magic. Close your eyes and picture the fringe moving freely during a wild line dancing night out at Vern's Watering Hole. It makes us wanna run right out to our local thrift shop, pick out some fringe duds and find us a country bumpkin to fuck right, and all night, in this get up.
Honestly, we're going to let this one speak for itself. It's just too precious to cloud with meaningless words and descriptions when all you need to do is look at this vision and let it take you away on a sci-fi magic carpet ride.
Fuck us! Is Armani serious with these ads?! Cause looking at them seriously makes us wanna grab the first phallic thing we see and stick it in our ripe love canal! It's not even normal...no one can be this hot, but leave it to Schmeckle Beckle to be a vision of pure delight. We'd sell our soul to the devil himself for one rompfest with Beckidoodle, and one of us doesn't even like cock.
Mmmm he is DIVINE with a capital Dick. For real, we would eat the shit right out off his bing bong hole and smear it across our face like army camouflage. We don't give a fart if you're young or old, boy or girl, nun or priest, once you see this fine creation that a sperm and egg can create, we know you're dropping trou and ready for a good ole fashion fuckbot. Really though, blind people can even see how hot he is and well, they cant see.
Alls we know is that Vicki B better suck on dem soccer balls morning, noon and night and praying to the cock gods that she's got this hot piece to come home to.
For our last installment of our favorite fashion faux pa we bring to you a fine example of a celebrity camelot pussy slot. Those loose lips belong to America's Sweetheart Kelly "Gonna Let It" Ripa, and she sure does live up to her nickname. This bitch is squattin like she's in a Korean rice field and her coochie crevice is bulging like it wants to bust out and get its 15 minutes of fame on TV. Dont get us wrong, we don't mind a little cunty cleavage every now and then, but to see them through khakis is just tacky!
Leave it to the Asians to show us how to really make the world a better place. If this doesnt get people to starting thinking green, we dont know what will. Titty balls are the perfect place to represent Mother Earth.
In the ongoing cycle of unoriginal dookie splats that Hollywood's been churning out lately, yet another remake is in the works and this time they're fucking with the wrong flick. Apparently Hillary Duff and Kevin "We Dunno Who The Fuck This Is" Zegers are set to reprise the roles of Bonnie & Clyde made famous by Don't Fuck With Me Faye Dunaway and I'm Warning Ya Warren Beatty. Not only is this remake disturbing, (do you really think Disney's darling Duffypoo can be a bad ass broad slinging swears and bullets??), but it's also completely unnecessary. And Miss Mommy Dearest is voicing her opinion.
Don't Fuck With Me Faye got wind of the remake and has been quoted saying "couldn't they at least get a real actress?"
Ha! That shit right there is the reason we love Faye ever so. Bitch don't give a butt fuck and tells you like it is. If we were Duffadoodle we'd run and hide, cause you know Faye don't play, and will be waiting in the wings to whip her ass with a wire hanger.
Today's camel toe hoe is a special little pussy nugget because it shows that no matter what you wear, you're never safe from the dreaded camel toe peep show. Aside from this homehoe sitting like a total slutburger, she needs to pay extra attention to her plump pork fried rice ripples in her pantaloons. Them things are begging to be free and busting at the seams. They scare us, and we're fairly certain those lips can walk, talk and operate machinery if given the chance.
Today's bra is brought to us by the rejected Girl Scouts of America uniform ideas. Apparently parents were none to thrilled with the new fashion forward thinking of those hoes at GSA. In an effort to jump start cookie sales they concocted (we just wanted to throw in the work cock somewhere) these ideas for a revamped and retramped look for our future slut scouts. Personally we enjoy the thoughtfulness put into creating these marshmallow bras, but we'd prefer if they were toasted to give that extra ooey gooey cum drop look. But whateves, we pick and choose our battles.
Bust out the ass slappin spatulas and cock straining colanders cause it's time for a celebrity chef food fight! Gordon "Roid Rage" Ramsay and Mario "Cannoli Gut" Batali are the two crotchety chefs who are flinging disses and dirty dishes at each other. Apparently Cannoli Gut said that Roid Rage's cheffin skill couldn't pay the bills, and that they were too old school for NYC. Gordon retaliated in his true fuck off fashion by referring to Cannoli Gut as "Fanta Pants" due to his love of orange colored pants and Crocs....which is fuckin FANTA-STIC!!
And so smitten we were with that brilliant nickname and pintched with curiosity crotch itch, we decided to google what draws Cannoli Gut to that color and what orange actually signifies.
Orange is a power color. It is one of the healing colors. It is said to increase the craving for food. It also stimulates enthusiasm and creativity. Orange means vitality with endurance. People who like orange are usually thoughtful and sincere. If any change in life is needed, just burn an orange candle for 7 nights.
First off, this sounds like some crazy Wicken shit and we wouldn't fuck with that ish with a 10 foot pentagram. We don't want the 4th wind coming after our asses, so that right there is a tip off that Cannoli Gut is a little loose in the hoohah. Secondly, it's almost too perfect that the color orange increase food cravings, cause chefekins is clearly eating right with that gut-o-rama.
Anyhaaaay, we say these two boys need to step up and prove their manhood in a wrestling ring filled with culinary delights and settle the score once and for all.
This mesmerizing vision in full frontal fuschia is NOT Jessica Simpson, but we do see where you could get confused. Is it her peroxide dipped locks? Gigunda taters? Or love of clothing two sizes too small? Actually it's none of the above. The real resemblance lies in protruding coochie crotch slots. They're both vagtastic and boombastic and probably made out of plastic.
This little lifter makes us feel like we've won first prize at the county fair. We wanna know how many rings you have to throw around a beer bottle to win us one of theses. Nothing says classy better then goldfish swimming around in homemade jubblie jelly bags.
Dumb bitches never keep their their pussy traps or mouths shut! Letting nonsense dribble to and fro, wherever they go. And no one is as useless as Pill Poppin Paula. Yes, she was the shit in the 80's and 90's and everyone rocked out to Cold Hearted Sssssnake, but now this bitch is just a dumb muppet puppet and really should become a recluse. Miss Perky Percoset has gone "straight up" stupid and on the record by claiming she is the inspiration to the likes of poppy seed sweeties Rhianna and Beyonce. The doodle brain ding dong says:
"My videos stand the test of time. They are like the almanac for every performer. Even Rhianna has come up to me and said ‘I hope you don’t mind.’ And Beyonce. You can see the influence of what I’ve done. It’s really fun to see that I’ve left a mark".
First off, who the fuck is referring back to P-Funks video's for inspiration? We don't recall any of today's pop farts making vids with a cartoon cat or having crazy ass cameos with Arsenio Hall in them. And we love how she say's "even Rhianna says I hope you don't mind". Ummm squeeze us, but that's not a complete sentence and what Ri Ri probably said was, "I hope you don't mind...holding my coat while I take these pics on the red carpet." Paula needs to stop freebasing those Oxycodone's and pull her fug face out of her fur bush.
Camel Toes. They're bold once they grab hold, and somehow never get old.
We just love looking at them, whether it be online or live and direct. They give you that insta-giggle even if you're feeling down. Our question is, how does one not feel that ish? Maybe some of these camel toe sportin deedle dots like the sensation they give. I guess a little chaff never hurt anybody...if you're into that shit. And we guess this batty bitch above not only likes having one, but like to admire her work as well. Go on girl, work your cammie!
We're tired of plain ol' cotton bras. They're so vanilla like Jonas Brothers or Oprah. So we're skimming the net to bring you the most interesting, yet frightening brassiers we can find. The above bra-tata looks like a cross between Janet Jackson's album cover from Janet and a left over wardrobe piece straight from Grace Jones' closet. Either way these Terminator Titty cups have us nips up with excitement and glee.
By the time Sunday rolls around we are either rushing to get the zillion things we needed to get done before sundown or we wake up ripping bong hits trying to piece back how we even got home in the first place and who in holy whoring hell is in our bed next to us.
Even though we prefer the latter sometimes you just want to wake up solo and watch hungover television classics a la Blind Date. It may not be as nostalgic as our Solid Gold Dancers from yesterday but if you are in a relationship it may just tele port you back to those awkward ass dates we have all had before settling down.
Take a look at the douche above. First off if your date is starting the goodbye with the Titanic hug( she'll never let go jack ) it's a tell tale sign that there wont be any crazy jungle sex this evening or EVER. If it's early enough we say head back to the bar and find the one drinking the tequila, trust us it's loose liquid. Second if you go in for smoochie licks and get denied more than once your lips deserve to make out with a hot sandwich at this point. You will still be satisfied at the end of the night and it's not going to say no to you. So all you single people please remember just one thing.... "It's your life, take a chance"
It just doesn't get any better than this. We're sitting here all cranked up and cockeyed trying to recover from the past two nights of birthday celebrations, and nothing gets us more inspired to pump up the jam than watching hoe's circa 1980's shakin their shit in bodysuits and leg warmers.
We get an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia every time one of these teased out titty twisters hit us with a high kick or a double side shimmy. The cinematography is cutting edge and the use of fog machines gives it that little extra something.
We want to know why the fuck shows aren't made with this much pazazz anymore?! We swear if they were to bring this shit back and held auditions, we'd walk on hot burning blunt embers for a shot at sweet gold...Solid Gold!
Does Shy-iaLewolf honestly think people want to snap pics his fuglymugly? He has become the modern bag lady man but isn't being very Eco friendly using those paper and plastic bag shit. Trust us somewhere he has pissed off some Hollyweirdohackeysaking hippie for not using a re-usable knit bag which also would have been more fashion forward. Maybe he is just having a Teen Wolf moment and doesn't want us to see those busted fur chops start spreading over his face like a piece of Georgian Kudzu. Personally we are digging the new look cause it beats staring at that long nose noodle face anyway.
His hand was also an accomplice to this fuckery but chose to go for bodega plastic. His hand has been garnering more attention than Shy-ia since it's injury from last summers car crash. We heard his hand was offered a six figure deal to publish a tell all biography about Shy-ias deviant ways. Ok so you called our bullshit but we drifted off to a far away place while typing the tall tale.
Hell yeah today was a beautiful day, with the sun shining our way and it's muthafuckingfriday! We hit a whopping fine 49 degrees and when it's slightly nice in NYC we start show off our prized accessories. This guy definitely knitted this while puffing on some blueberry spliff's and listening to MGMT's Oracular Spectacular.
His perfectly woven wool balls were crafted with stoner expertise. Actually the big red ball on top can be removed and you can store a bubbler and a whole oz.! Good God we say we wouldn't be caught dead in that hat but dayum that's like a purse and a hat in one!
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."—Sept. 6, 2004, Poplar Bluff, Mo.
We never thought we would say these words but we are gonna miss gringo George. Don't trip on that statement just yet gabbers. We just had so many of these ding-a-linging quotes and still every fucking time we crack up and pee our panties when he speaks and you don't even have to be blunted to laugh.
No doc needs to practice their love on us especially if they are checking to see if our vagina's are working fine. Are these docs getting out of the business cause they can't keep their cockles in the undies? This sounds shady just like his foreign policy but it's a new dawn and we finally got what we wanted hot and cocked Barack! Life is sweet like Little Debbies, mmmmm.
Nothing says fun like a watching a video of some cranked up Crazian (Crazy Asian) shaking her sashimi strips in public. Not only is she doing the Saki Shakedown in the middle of the street, but she's doing it in fuckin stir-ups! STIR UP'S!!
Anyhaaaay, we don't want to ramble on and distract you from this vision we post before you, but we do want to make sure you soak up every last morsel of this 4 minute clip and get your happy ending on!
Ok, so we know it's not Easter, but when we found this little Jesus gem, we really felt like if Big Baby J was resurrected he'd totally rock this hat! Hey don't judge, in our world Jesus is a queen and this would tots be his holy homecoming headpiece!
However, Miss Middle America is totally rocking the shit out of this crafty little cap and she seems both happy and humble donning this debonair Easter-ware. This bitch went to town with her hot glue and craft store items and should be damn proud of her creation. It takes a lot of time to craft this kind of crap!
"And so the fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place."—George Bush, visiting the Silverado Cable Company in Mesa, Ariz. - May 27, 2008
Whatchu talkin 'bout Mr. Drummond?! That's exactly what homegirl is thinking. But unfortch for her, it's not the millionaire from Different Strokes, but the nerp twerp Prez who's all up in her business.
Even a 10 year old can see Satan hiding behind that honky ass face! This is why we should never underestimate the youth of America. They fuckin know what's up, and from the looks of babygirl, she's plottin to crack this cracka in his grill!
He be Barackin this party eight days a week, and lookin good while doing it!
It's inauguration day and FINALLY, brat boy Bush is dunzo and we can begin to get America back on track! Apparently, Bush left a note scribbled in crayon to Obama in the oval office filled with well wishes. But we thinks the note really had the word SUCKER written in a 7 year old handwriting and a smiley face with it's tongue sticking out. Since Bush fucked American in the ass with a wad of oil covered hundred dollar bills and left a shit smear across this country's boarders, he's probably laughing all the way to Texas at leaving Barack to clean up his his messy play pen.
But we have faith in our new leader and are now more determined than ever to bring America back into the rest of the world's good graces...and bring up our currency's exchange rate. Mamma's need to travel and since the American dollar is about as shitty as the Yen, we haven't been able to go anywhere but Jersey.
So the other monumental moment that took place at the inauguration was Miss Arthea Motha Humpin Franklin, singing her heart out and wearing the best fuckin head gear EVER! Tranny's, Diva's in Training and Churchgoer's take note. This is how you make a statement with your wardrobe bitches!
Somewhere over the rainbow, our new prez is getting ready to jazzify the country. So this hat naturally seemed appropriate to post, because it sums up the new day dawning, with infinite possibilities on the horizon. That thought alone makes us smile, just like lollipops, gummy bears and sugar coated rainbows! They should have been handing these magic hats out at the inauguration, so that everyone could unify under one rainbow of love, peace and gayism.
"I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein."— George Bush, Washington, D.C., May 25, 2004
"I'm going to spend a lot of time on Social Security. I enjoy it. I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it's the mother in me." — George Bush, Washington D.C., April 14, 2005
Dumb baby dumb, baby baby, dumb. Wow, it never gets old digging up quotes from our 40-turd prezzy puss. He really has to be the biggest dick nugget to ever have served presidency! Fuck that, to ever have been born, married and reproduced!! It's pretty much inevitable that whenever he opens up his lips, shit crystals spray out a crackie with a lisp.
How do you begin to comment on the amazing man, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.? To put it simply, you don't get streets named after you or a National holiday for being just a regular dude! MLK was a dreamer, a humanitarian, a father, a husband, a minister, a teacher, and above all a loving human being. If we could all have an ounce of his compassion or his insight we'd be a much happier and united country. Maybe that's just wishful thinking, but it doesn't seem too far fetched.
Of course when you have bunghole blubber brains running the country it's hard to get far ahead, but it's a new dawn, it's a new day, a new life..FOR EVERYONE!
Well you wont be getting any if you're wearing this shit on your head. If we saw you strolling around with this caca cap, we'd smack the patriotism right out of you while singing the national anthem. Yup, that's how we roll. We keep it real in the land of the free and the brave, and you've got to be one brave brotha to sport this honky hat.
"I'm thrilled to be here in the bread basket of America because it gives me a chance to remind our fellow citizens that we have an advantage here in America - we can feed ourselves." - George W. Bush in Stockton, California, August 2002
What in holy fast food fuck is this dingle drop talking about? Was he at the Olive Garden, drunk off the never ending bread sticks deal?? This week as one of our ongoing topics we're focusing on the fucked up shit that has flown through the lying lips of Bush's mouth over the past eight years. It's pretty hard to just select five quotes to feature because literally Bush is the dumbest ding dong...EVER. Shit, he probably couldn't even bag groceries in a supermarket without suffocating himself with the plastic or change a tire without trying to hula hoop through it, and America elected his blank brain TWICE to run our country! Yikes!!
When we use the slangalang "Getting Twisted", which action do you think of first? Is it:
A. Getting Krunk Drunk on Mike's Twisted Tea
B. Matching Hands and Feet to Colored Circles... sans clothing
C. Twisting an "L"
D. Listening to the Sister
E. Playing with Latex
F. All of the above
If you answered F, as in Fuck baby, then you are correct and have unlocked the mystery of how our Sabado was spent. In between nude Twister sessions and funneling twisted tea, we found time to expand our minds, and rubbers, while watching a nifty little doc called, Twisted. A Balloonamentary. Yes, you heard us correctly...we were funneling twisted tea.
But for serious, this doc will knock you off your cock block and open your eye balls up to the magical world of ballooning. You haven't lived until you've seen first hand a grown mandingaling filling his rubber lover with holy, hot air and twisting that shiz up into a life size Jesus on the Cross. Or a dykling work her fingers on something other than a pussah to craft a 50 foot blood hungry shark.
The doc is filled with tender latex lullabies and seriously twisted twisters that very well may be the most frightening folks on the planet. Take a latex looksy at the snippet below and feel the balloon in your pants grow with excitement.
Biggie Smalls, The Notorious B.I.G., Frank White, Big Papa, Christopher Wallace. The Master, The Messiah, The Legend, The Motha Fuckin Man...baby baby!
No matter which way you slice and dice it, Biggie is, and will forever be, the best rapper to spit lyrics ala Brooklyn style! He's voice is laced with that cool easy rap tone, his lyrics are real and from the heart and to quote the master himself, his "slow flows remarkable"! But the icing on this Jesus piece is that he straight up stayed blazin! In other words, he's our idol!
Our first taste of his silky smooth stylie was on Craig Mack's track "Flava in Ya Ear" and anyone who pens the line "N*ggas is mad I get more butts than ashtrays" is a fuckin genius. So simple yet so amazing...like Oodles of Noodles. The hardest part about writing this post was the flood of cloudy Phillie's blunt smoke-filled memories that came rushing back of 1994 when rap was supreme and...it was all a dream, reading word up magazine!
So make sure you listen, to the sweet Biggie tunes that are hissin, through our little player, you can find up thayerrrr.
After chillin on the corner all night, blastin Ready to Die and 36 Chambers, sippin on a 40 of Old E, and puffin on Garcia Vega's, your stomach's sure to be beat boxing the hunger hymn. And there's no better way to quench your desire than with a big ol bag of Rap Snacks!
Packed with Compton flava crystals and fried deep in the wood hoods of VA, these little chippers are as hardcore as Lil Kim's hoochie hoops.
Look for the other flavor savers, Date Rape Grape, Freestyle Fried Chicken and the limited edition Buttered Biscuit Triscuit.
This has to be one of the best little inventions in all the lands. A portable clip-on ashtray device!!?? It's just genius!
Now when you're out puffin on a doob blah dee, a blunt or a Kool cigarette, you can ash in the comforts of your very own vest. It's a shnazzy little gadget that gets the job done, while looking tres chic AND responsible.
You'll no longer have to carelessly ash into the wind, but rather delicately tap into your ash trap. You can even personalize this little gem with and engraved limerick for that extra little something. We know that if Biggie were still alive, he'd don one of these little paper savers. Cause he said it best when he described himself as going from "ashy to classy!
Has the cold got you going ping pong ball bonkers?? Are chapped lips, runny noses and flaky skin gettin you down? Well jump in your Snuggleuffegus Gear, stir up a Hot Toddy and fuck the cold away with a good old fashioned booty call. Seriously, this shit has got to end. We're all for bundling up a bit, but when you have to put on 17 layers of stained, stretched, ratty thermals and faded NKOTB tee's, somethings gotta give. The one highlight, is everyone's rolled up like a spicy tuna roll and as miserable as the next douche.
When we first stumbled upon Twiglets, we didn't know what to make of these fribble bibbles. Were they doggie dick treats? Solidified cat puke pucks? Or some sort of hippy weirdo wack snack? They certainly remind us those organic bark flavored chew sticks you see patchouli wearing dreadhead whiteys chomping on. But upon further inspection, we found that Twiglets are a British snacker, and therefore awesome. Cause we all know anything from the UK is automatically the bees knees!
We bet that if you covered them in melted chocolate, rolled em around in toffee flakes and stuck a marshmallow on top, you can make that narsty "whole wheat" flavor go away and really enjoy them, the way nature intended!
Wanna die?? Well, don't just settle for doing it the old fashioned way like slicing your wrists or ODing on booze and pills! That's so 2008!
Now you can check out in style! By getting yourself the new and improved Suicidal Zap Trap, you can show the world that you're an original...even in death. Think of all the great buzz this will create. You'll finally get your moment to "sizzle" in the afterlife spotlight. And get to "electrify" your friends and family once they discover your unique and creative death diddy. All that it takes to go from ordinary to extraordinary, is that little bit of "extra".
So don't just slip into oblivion in your own death.
Reach for the stars and the socket, and rocket into limbo!
Pomegranate? Acai? Proactiv? What's the sexy secret behind homehoe, Ms. Debbie Harry's new fly look? Honey is hot to trot and sizzlin like a fajita platter at Papi's Taco House.
Yes, the lighting is forgiving, and the clip on hair extensions provide some extra coverage, but for the most part, Blondie and brownie bites is lookin D.I.V.I.N.E. She recently peddled her spandex enclosed ass at a swingin soiree for LV & Stephen Sprouse, hosted at the Bowery Ballroom. Mamma worked her shit up on the stage and showed that 60 is still sexy...with a little help from a Nip, a Tuck, a Suck and a Fuck. Take note all you surgery bound babies, looking plastic is not fantastic, but please don't think it's acceptable to grow old gracefully. You still need to tuck in that gut and get a lil snip and a cut.
We love Asians! And all of their wondrous little snackertons.
Only they would make chocolaty little mushroom caps with butter crisp mushroom stems for all the world to enjoy. They looks so sweet and happy, like they're ready to dance off the screen and into our mouths while singing a magical little diddy all the way down into our bellies.
On second thought, knowing that the Asians are producing these little treats makes us question if that's really chocolate or is it turdlings? They do have a fetish for both, so who really knows?? Either way, if we were baked enough, we sure as shit (ha! pun intended) eat em!
Ummm does anyone else find this shit creepshow? For some reason, it just turns us off. We're all about safe sex texting, but these finger condoms, just "rub" us the wrong way. Besides the fact that the color is a turn off...no we dont have a problem with the dark meat, but this is just plain scurry.
It looks like they've been caught finger fucking some weirdo with a fetish for shoe polish in the poopoo pocket. And it prevents fingerprints and smudges?? This crank is straight up Paula Abdul stalker style shit, and gives us the heebie geebies. If you pay $3 for a pack of 5...(why 5?!?) for some water balloon looking shit, then your as thumb dumb as this product.
Artis Leon Ivey, Jr, aka Coolio aka the wanna be Ol' Dirty Bastard of the 90's has gone on and made a Tom "Crazycakes" Cruise comment. He said on his "smash hit" tv show, Celebrity Big Brother:
"All this technology. You think it came from this planet?… Bullshit! I don’t think men are that smart. I think it came from somewhere else. Microbiotics, computer science, jet planes - they came from a different planet”
He's got to be tokin' on a Scientology spliff to spew out a comment like that. Or he's using his Dangerous Mind and picking up extraterrestrial brainwaves from his cornrowed antenna dreadlings and they're controlling is speech. Maybe he should run for cover and hide out in an Amish Paradise...just a thought!
As experts in the art of blazing, being zooted 90% of the time, everytime, leaves us craving snacks like a pregnant polly in her 3rd trimester. And if you're like us, then average snackadoodles, such as Frito Lay and Nestles, just don't cut it, which forces us to comb the world wide web for treats that go against the (whole) grain. For our first installment of Munchie Madness, we bring to you the finest delicacy known to man in a cracker form, Combos. And it's not just your regular run of the mill Combos, but the extra tastealicious flavor of Bacon, Egg and Chee. This little bite sized crackernugget makes our hearts race with desire, lips wet with longing and makes our taste buds quiver like a crackie needing a rock. WE WANTIE....WE WANTIE BAD! We need to taste the "creamy" bacon, egg and cheese filling and let the smoothness enrapture us. If you have any information that can lead to the capturing of these combolinas, please comment now or forever hold your glass piece.
Next up we have our Gabba Gabba Gadget post of the day. It's where we find weirdest of the weird gadgets (usually created by Asians) and post them here for your viewing pleasure.
So with the thang above, we're not really sure what to make of it. Is it a ribbed for her pleasure dillie? A bananarama carrying container? It's weird and freakish, yet somehow makes us want to insert and squirt. Please help guide us, we feel so cold and afraid.
This is a very special Saturday, maybe even a historical one. We managed to wake at 9 a.m. without any sort of engagement or vacation flight to catch cause we all know those are the only two good reasons to get your booger infested eyes out of your sexual dungeon before noon. The last thing we saw before our Cinderella sleep was this euro trash teen bucking it down to what we believe was a huge hit overseas. And why are they calling a their pea knuckle penis a ding ding dong. Do they not have doorbells in Europa? Or their doorbells play techno. Ohhh weeee Tiara make that reason #1,572 to move there.
Americanos obviously can't handle that cock throbbing bass like our pre-pubic pancake faced amigo can. And speaking of his face if he continues making those diarrhea expressions while working up a seizure we assure you he will stay a virgin a long time after graduation. You know what we're talking about cause we all went to school with one. Skip to the 2:36 mark to see a move we have never seen even at the worst discotecha. It's like the butt-fuck, Zoolander looking cats claw! But wait check out this Queen Of Englands jewel below...
Ok, did you all fully process that? We know you watched it at least three times before you kept going. There really is no better place to show ones expertise talent than in Union Square. And this hackeysacking dandie doodle dandie is lucky we were able to snag such fantastic foot-age, hah! Honestsly we were shitting rainbow covered sprinkles watching it live and it still gets us every damn time. There is just so many moments like the helicopter chop, the knee bended freeze, the motorcycle, the pebble kick, shit do we have to go on? So as we await this snowy shit storm we get back in bed with our bong and start to weed dream about the spring again so we can capture peyote popin' moments like this.
Ew. Snarf. Barf. If this is the face of a sentimental serenade from John Gayer, we really don't know how this funkadoodle gets laid. This shiz makes us want to run for cover, say 3 Hail Mary's and throw holy water at the screen. He is foul with a capital Puke.
Rumor has it that John Gayer wrote a poem for Ms. Assi-ston for New Years and while on holiday, sang it to her in Cabo. Just when we thought he couldn't get any more fagalicious, he goes and does a fairy boy thing like this. But Jen ate that shit up like she was suckin on the mother tit and went all lady gaga for his lame ass.
See now if that we're either of us, we would slap him in the face, donkey kick his balls and piss in his shampoo. Honestly its weird and uncomfortable being sung to, especially coming from this flap jack. Sorry but didn't he already do this na na for Jennifer Love Screwit? I guess Ass-iston is used to getting sloppy seconds and bitch is getting up there in age, so she ain't gonna make any waves. She'll sit there with her little pubic lip lap dog and play good girlfriend for him.
Oh and one last thing that we have to address...who the fuck smokes Merits?! Bitch needs a cigarette crash course! Only senior citizen women that play bingo and the 14 year olds who steal them from their grandma smoke dem shits!
Oy, can she do anything right?
Les Duex Douche Mix: 1. More Than Words - Extreme 2. Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman - Bryan Adams 3. Love Lifts Us Up Where We Belong - Joe Cocker & Jennifer Warnes 4. Tell It To My Heart - Taylor Dane 5. Sex Type Thing - Stone Temple Pilots 6. This Charming Man - The Smiths 7. Your Body Is A Wonderland - John Mayer 8. I Wanna Know What Love Is - Foreinger 9. All I Need Is The Air That I Breathe - Hollies 10. Tell Me - Groove Theory 11. Got You Where I Want You - The Flys 12. Almost Paradise - Loverboy Bonus Track 13. Have I Told You Lately That I Love You - Rod Stewart Extra Bonus 14. Love Is All Around - The Troggs
Ooooh yeaaaaaaaaaah. It's time we start to unwind and let the groove take hold. Turn the lights down real low, light up your phillies blunts, peel off your Carhartt and Cross Colours gear and put on the only tunes that can put you in the mood...Early 90's R&B Slow Jams.
Come away with us in our gabbalicious time machine, and let us wind clock back to the early 90's, where MTV played videos, flat tops rocked the barber shops and the cherry wine was a flowin. Speaking of cherry wine, there's an early 90's-er who loved the flat iron, cherry wine, and takin shit slow. It's none other than Jermaine Stewart in his classic hit "We Don't Have To Take Our Cloths Off".
Take a peek at the video below and please...show some class. Notable frosted-lights are at 0:43 - the PG version of "skinny dipping", 1:56 - dance/spin wardrobe change and 3:48 - the ever so femme facial features and the nah nah's
Now we know that Jermaine may be a little more "poppy" than your average R&B slow jam, so to make things right whichu, we have a classic, real freaky naughty jam by the smoothest brothas out there... Silk. This one had that ladies droppin panties and winding and grinding all the way into the bedroom. So come on and let these smooth operators play with your body baby.
Wasn't that like Christmas morning? Anyhaaaay, our post wouldn't be complete without our own favorite R&B flava. So go ahead and rock your denim overalls to these tracks.
We smell something burning. Could it be Paris' crotchless panties? Cause this bitch is a liar! Wow, she really IS a dum diddy doo dum! And she must think that we, the gossip gabbers, are just as brain dead as her pap smear sister! In her latest quest for publicity poison, Ms. Whoreton was quoted in Glamour Magazine saying that:
"I'm really not a man-chaser, and that I've only had sex with a couple of people and gossip hounds make up stories, but mostly I just kiss."
"I think it’s important to play hard to get. Nobody wants the fake Prada bag; they want the brand new bag that no one can get and is the most expensive. If you give it up to a guy he won’t respect you; he’ll want you much more if he can’t have you."
We'll slap us silly and call us Sally. I guess we've had it wrong all these whoring years! Sooo what she's saying is that just wants to LOOK like a cheap ho, but really isn't one. Well don't we feel all Jessica Simpson stupid now?
Give us a God damn gabba break! As if she didnt get those lipstick smears from gargling a hair beanbag?! This bitch needs a reality check, and not that shit on tv. She needs to be thrown into the fires of high school hell and be shown via lunch room cafeteria style what kind of a hooker she really is. And if she thinks that she's the prize Prada bag, then she's really in a dream world. This bitch is as toe up as a Chinatown knock up, er, off. We don't know what kind of Judy Blume book she's getting this crap from, but honey, if you and fuckin then we're keepin on truckin!
