Howdy to everyone out there in the bloggersphere! Its the moment you've all been waiting for, the highlight of the year, it's our top 10 most entertaining categories of 2000 Hate. This little list will make you laugh, cry and do little shit squirts because nothing wraps up a year like our Top 10 fist list. So scroll down, grab a flute full of bubbly and enjoy...
10. Best Bangs: Bai- Ling Runner Up: Suri Cruise
These bangs are "Sheer Genius".
9. Best Baby Bump: Thomas Beattie
Runner Up: Minnie Driver
This is the hottest shit since Arnold Schwarzenegger sported a preggo baby bump in that movie Junior!
8. Best Cold Dissed: Anne Hathaway
Runner Up: Taylor Swift
These bitches got a cold hard taste of cock, er we mean reality with their ex's
7. Best Flavor Saver: John Travolta
Runner Up: Spencer (that douche burger from The Hills)
We know...this is so graphic and repulsive, we lost our lunch looking at it too
6. Best TV Jingle: Saved By Zero
Runner Up: Optimum Online Triple Play 877.393.4448
You know you've been caught singing these jingles out in public
5. Best Mug Shot: Andy Dick
Runner Up: Heather Locklear It was toss up between these two funky fresh fritter faces, but in the end a DICK always wins.
4. Best Busted Baby: Emme Maribel (J.Lo & Undead Anthony's Creation) Runner Up: Max Liron (Christina Aguilera & Barfman's Creation)
This tiny treasure troll looks like stir-fried death. We're scared to close our eyes at night for fear it will steal our soul.
3. Best Case of the Crazies: Amy Winehouse
Runner Up: Kanye West
There are honestly countless amounts of photos to choose from of this coo-coo cocoa puff, but we chose this gem which focuses more on the crazy and less on the crack
2. Best Buds: The Big Bang
Runner Up: Purple Goo We owe all of our cracker barrel wise cracks to the Big Bang's sweet leafs!
1. Best Fast Food Deal: $5 Dollar Foot Long
Runner Up: 89 cent tacos from Taco Bell Thanks to our very own fast food nation, it's now even easier and cheaper to be a fat lardo!
Worst Live Performance, Yet Most Captivating:
Fergie's Meth Twirling Twizzle Twat on the Today Show
Highlights are spread eagle throughout this clip , so we recommend you watch from start to finish and at least 3 times in a row. And keep in mind Miss Pee Pee Pants is performing on the Today Show which really only appeals to housewives and little kids... so she's doing her tweak out meth moves for them... which make us feel weird and uncomfortable!
At first we thought the death threats that the Cruise's have recently been getting were awesome!! But then we stopped and though about a Cruise-less world and retracted our excitement for a family assassination. Take a moment to reflect on this yourself. If in fact the death threats actually came to fruition, we wouldn't have the following things to look forward to:
1. Katie's herpie lips 2. Crazycake's specialty platform sneakers 3. Awful Sci-Fi movies to mock 4. Suri's inevitable teenage rebellion
To bring your ding-a-ling up to speed, according to the Daily Mirror, Crazycakes & Co. have been receiving death threats which have gotten so out of hand that the FBI have been alerted. You can only imagine the scene at Chateau Crazycakes. In classic Cruise freak out mode, it's been reported that he's had a $5mill underground bunker built in their Colorado cock cottage and roll deep around town in armored vehicles. It's also been noted that the targeted threesome are even bomb proofing their everyday household items like Katie's commemorative Dawson's Creek Dildo, Tom's Scientology snuggle slippers and Suri's life size L. Ron puppet.
So as much as we enjoy seeing Crazycakes scramble around and live in fear, we definitely want them to stick around for the long haul and continue to be our gossip punching bags.
Bombasticology Mix: 1. Gimme Shelter - The Rolling Stones 2. Cover Me - Bruce Springsteen 3. Bombtrack - Rage Against The Machine 4. Protect Ya Neck - Wu-Tang Clan 5. Under Control - The Strokes 6. The Safety Dance - Men Without Hats 7. Security - Otis Redding 8. Runaway - Ladytron 9. Sickos - Harlem Shakes 10. Hidden In Plain View - Jacob 11. Bullet With Butterfly Wings - Smashing Pumpkins 12. Don't Be Scared - A.R.E. Weapons
Now every single tobacco straw needs a little accompaniment. Personally we can't even smoke a fag without sipping on some of the "getting loose juice" also know as alcohol. Everyone has a preference, like the gays who drink the femme Saketini's, the Bridge & Tunnel's go for Cosmos and the dykelings love up on some Colt 45. We don't know if the dykes really love the Colt, but we do know that Mr. Billy Dee "Happy Hour" Williams does!
And who can sell an addiction better than a celebrity? Seeing someone on your fantasy fuck list enjoying a frothy can of carbonated sex, can get a bitch dropping trou faster than your lightning fast fingers can crack open a bottle. Unfortch for us, we were too young to drink Colt 45 when this mesmerizing ad came out, but it just goes to show you how boring beer ads are now nowadays.
Today's post is dedicated to those naughty little devil sticks we all know and love. No were not talking about tampons, although they are fun at parties, we're gabbing about cigarettes! They instantly add that touch of class to your appearance, and if it wasn't for that pesky little thing called cancer, cigs would be everyones best friend!
We actually took the advise of former prez, Don Juan Ron and sent all our loved ones a carton! Nothing says I love you like a care package stuffed with smokes! And if you didn't get a cartoon, or at least a pack, we really feel for you because clearly no one in your fam loves you.
Pretty much at some point everyone has puffed on a puffer...even the squares out there. Most likely you started off by stealing them from your unsuspecting parents and pretending to smoke them with your friends. And then one day you graduated to inhaling, and you felt the instant "kool" enrapture you. Next thing you know you're scrapping for change in between the cushions of your couch and rolling pennies for puffs!
And seriously, who can blame you. Hot thick smoke adds sex appeal to even the lamest lover. They compliment any drug you're on, and especially add some fun to acid heads who watch the smoke form funkadoodle shapes.
Our only complaint is that they don't come in more flavors. We're forced to choose between regs, lights or menthol. How delish would it be if they have fish stick flavor, adding that spicy tuna tang? Well we can dream can't we?
So in honor of that flashy fresh making flavor menthol, here's a blast from the past commercial for that classic Kool cigarette!
If you've been roasting chestnuts all holiday with your honey wrapped in holly, then you've been bit by the Christmas cricket like we have. And to share our holiday fevah, we decided to singing you some sweet hot cocoa holiday hymns with our Gabba tittie twist. So pop a Santa squat, careful not to fot, and let the holy spirit fill you.
Yule Log Lollipop Mix
1. Cocking Around The Christmas Tree 2. Rudolpho The Red Lipstick Euro Reindeer 3. Frosty The Snortman 4. Little Cummer Boy 5.I Saw Mommy Sucking Santa Claus 6.All I want For Christmas Is My Two Fake Tits 7. Here Cums Santa Claus 8. Dingle Ball Rock 9. Let It Grow 10. O Chronic Tree 11. I'll Be Hard For Christmas 12. Grandma Went Ass To Mouth With A Reindeer
In honor of the birth of baby J and those Jews out there who are stuck home chillin, we've created a delectable double penetration playlist for your listening pleasure. We've each selected twelve of our favorite frosty winter tracks which are all being played in their entirety. So sit back, let the songs grab hold of your eardrums and jump on the gravy train baby!
MERRY CHRISTMAS CRACKAS!
Rubin's Ribtips Mix:
1. Little Bird - Annie Lennox
2. Penelope - Pinback
3. The Box - Johnny Flynn
4. Out Of Touch - Hall & Oates
5. Award Tour - A Tribe Called Quest
6. Barefoot Tonight - Miss Kitten
7. Anyway You Choose To Give It - The Black Ghosts
8. Temptation - New Order
9. Leif Erikson - Interpol
10. Corduroy - Pearl Jam
11. Mr. Tough - Yo La Tengo
12. I Want You - Kings Of Leon
Chicken A La Flores Mix:
1. The Clapping Song - Shirley Ellis
2. Happy Station - Fun Fun
3. Golden Cage - The Whitest Boy Alive
4. Tell The World - Vivian Girls
5. To The East - Electrelane
6. Agoraphobia - Deerhunter
7. Cold Blooded Old Times - Smog
8. Kim And Jessie - M83
9. No One Does It Like You - Department Of Eagles
10. Fuzzy - Grant Lee Buffalo
11. This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody) - Talking Heads
What's up all you mistletoe motherhumpers?! It's the eve of Christmas and we're just as eager to get this shit over with as you are. We are fortunate enough to have a jolly ol' saint spliff with us to help ease us through this family filled time. We don't want to sound like dicks, but if you're human than you know getting together with the family always means some sort of dramarama!
So in honor of this magical holiday we've put our spin on the classic Christmas diddy, the Twelve Days of Christmas. We recommend printing the lyrics out, picture and all, and having a sing-a-long with your fam for some extra holiday queer cheer!
Twelve Gay's of Christmas On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
TWELVE lords a douching ELEVEN ladies licking TEN pipers puffing NINE drummers dumping EIGHT tits a milking SEVEN swans a swallowing SIX geese a spraying (this ones for the pee pee lovers) FIIIIIIIIIVE gold cock rings FOUR colly clits THREE French whores TWO turtle heads And a packed bong in a pear tree
Seriously, enough with the celebrity shit sprays! If we have to see another fuckin celebrity perfume commercial before Christmas, we're going to go bat shit, Gary Busey crazy and bust a cap at the TV. Yes we realized we'd only be spiting ourselves, but this is what these asinine ads have brought us to!
It's one thing for celebretards to peddle a designer brand perfume, which for some reason is much less irritating than seeing the shit puffs that celebrities actually market as their own scent! Last time we checked, nobody wanted to smell like Paris Hilton's "Fart Dust" or Antonio Banderas' Spanish "Spirit" shit stains, unless you're a 12 year old whore (yes, this comment works for both fragrances!) The best is that most of this skunk funk is sold at Walgreens and Duane Reade for like $6.99. We'd rather spray some orange Fantastic over our privates than some honky ass celebrity douche poof.
If we unwrapped a gift on Christmas and it was a butterfly bottle of Mariah Carey's Luscious Pink stink, we'd spray the gift giver right in the eyeballs with that shit! Come to think of it, maybe carrying these clit spritz around with us as mase isn't such a bad idea. And if you spray this crap on you enough, you'll probably repel any rapists or dirty muggers that could be lurking! We guess there's always a sliver lining to everything!
Happy re-gifting, readers!
SMELL YA LATER MIX 1. Love Potion No. 9 - The Searchers 2. That Smell - Lynyrd Skynyrd 3. Cologne - Dolly Parton 4. I've Got You Under My Skin - Frank Sinatra 5. So Fresh, so Clean - OutKast 6. The Funk Phenomena - Armand Van Helden 7. Sweet Cologne - General Degree 8. Scent of a Man - Bushman 9. Candy Perfume Girl - Madonna 10. Designer Impostors - Man At Arms 11. Egyptian Musk - Head Automatica 12. Spritz!!! Spritz!!! - Minus the Bear BONUS TRACK 13. Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
Yup yup yup. It's about that time, to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme. It's Tit For Tat time motherhumpers, and its our third installment of this lovely tat-ttle telling game, that puts the bing back in your bingers!
So without further adieu we have three tasty little tattoo treasures for your viewing pleasure. Let us know which tat tickles your fancy fanny.
Really? The Golden Girls as Mount Rushmore? It doesn't get any more Middle America house wife than this! Bea Arthur looks like Adam Ant (which is actually a compliment to her), Betty White looks like Tipper Gore, Estelle (Rest Her Soul) Getty looks like the Hamburglar and Rue McClanahan looks like an Asian laundrette. Seriously, this person could have just sent a nice fuckin Hallmark card if they really wanted to show they cared!
Joey Knock Knees from Dirty Jersey made the cut with his hot ass bruise, the ever present peaking nip, and of course his lame ass, shitty tat. We're more offended by the terrible representation of the high heels than the wide open snatch!
And our third twinkle tat is etched onto Mr. DVD...aka Dingle Van Dingledoo. You know this flubber brain thought he was soooo original using the DVD logo to represent his initials. Honestly, that's the only reason we can think of why this tard boy got this tat.
Holy goo goo gloobie boo what a friday night can do to you! We just got up about 10 minutes ago due to the devilish holiday eggnog and body crotch shots. Don't you just love holiday parties?
Anyhaaaay as we were wandering the kinky streets of the L.E.S. we stumbled upon a crackliciously looking Thespian, pole dancing in the icy frigid black snow. This is why we stick to the precious weed of weeds called WEEEEEEED! As she busted face with all her loving good grace we couldn't help but devote this Saturday to her. If anyone see's Cracky Lace, just trust you will know her when you see her, please let her know her vajay is a-o-kaaaay. This video below doesn't due her justice.
Shoes - English Chaussures - French Scarpe - Italian Zapatos - Spanish
No matter how you say it, everyone loves em. So we've decided to touch on this tasty little topic, because if you're anything like us (sarcastic, ball busting potheads) then you appreciate the absurdities this life brings to us.
Have you ever seen some shoe shit that made you want to cry, laugh and shart all at the same time? Well in our first installment of "Say It With Shoes" we've selected 5 pairs that would be perfect for 5 very famous, and very stupid celebridoodles.
Ok, take a stab at who these could belong to. If your first instinct was Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy then you're very close, but no sitar. This pantalooney pair of shoes could only have been designed for Disney's own dick lovin darling Miley Cyrus. The only silver lining these have is that the shoelaces are long enough for her to hang herself with when she hits rock bottom!
Go green or nothing in between...except in your toes! This pair of eeeeekco-friendly sandals took the "corkscrew wedge" to a whole new level, and can only belong to one ganja blazin, bongo bangin Hollywood hippy. Mr. Matthew . HOOORAAAHHH!
These falcon talon fuckers have only one hoe's name laced all over them: Fergie.
They are about as ugly as she looks and as uncomfortable as she makes us feel when we watch her piss her pants!
Lucy Lui's Bento Box Shoes. Only $9.95, and each pair comes with a California role, miso soup and your very own ben wah ball.
And last but not least, we have every deranged daddy's dream shoe for them and their little tykes to share. Yup, you know these were specially made for Crazycakes Cruise and his little nut nugget Suri. These shit kickers give us the Scientology shivers just looking at them.
Mothafucka's get paid when they get all tangle up in holy matrimony! That's why you gots to stay single and always be ready to mingle. Cause when you get that dingle, caught in your pringle, the money starts to jingle... Wow, we had entirely to much egg nog at the holiday pot luck lunch today. Forgive the little limerick. Actually fuck that, if you cant hang with a lil cheese in your life, then you might as well piss off and re-evaluate your friendships, cause you probably don't have any. Ok, enough ranting! Lets get to the post shall we?
So it's no surprise, Mr. Bling Blaugh aka Guy "Rich"ie is definitely getting major ducklets for spending 8 years banging privates with Madalade, but the original sum reported, between $50-60 millz, is being retracted as per Maddy's camp, and they aren't releasing the actual amount. First off, how the fickle fuck is someone going to say between $50 to 60 million? As if a gap of $10 mill isn't a lot. Jesus Christ on the cross, we'd have anal with Gary Busey for $1 million. Anyhaaaay, let's just say that Giddy Up Guy actually did get $60 million. What do you think he'd do with it first? The scenario we've painted goes a little something like this: Guy calls over Jason Statham, they get nude, roll around in the cash ala Demi Moore in Indecent Proposal, get a kilo of blow and some hookers, take bumps out of the hookers belly holes, take a bubble bath, wash each other backs, eat a hammy sammie, spoon each other to sleep and dream of glocks and cocks! Fuck off and don't judge! Its our fantasy! So while the actually sum is being kept secret (how dare these celebs think they can keep things from us!!!) we all know that Maddy Mac always has the last laugh! As part of the settlement she probably made Guy have frescoes painted of her grill throughout the house, so when he has the kidlings, mommy would always be close by to watch down on them. That and the video cameras needed a place to be concealed!
Proposition Jackpot Mix: 1. Can't Buy Me Love - The Beatles 2. I'm Good, I'm Gone - Lykee Li 3. Bye, Bye, Baby - Madonna 4. Money - The Flying Lizards 5. Mind Your Own Buisness - Delta 5 6. I Don't Love Anyone - Belle & Sebastian 7. Divorce Song - Liz Phair 8. Gimme Tha Loot - The Notorious B.I.G. 9. Money For Nothing - Dire Straights 10. Write It All Down For You - Elliot Brood 11. Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac 12. The Winner Takes It All - ABBA
I always have the last laugh you dirty little pirate hooker!
I'm pretty much fucked...well then that makes it a typical Wednesday night for me!
You know bitches are dumb when they fuck with the Divine Mizzzz O! Everyone better recognize that Shake Em Down Sharon, don't play or give a filthy fuck who she scraps with. But Megan, that dumb cum guzzling toad twat from Rock of Love and I Love Money, found that out the hard way.
Apparently the crusty 99cents bin ho's from "Belly" Charm School were taping the reunion when bimbolina number 1, Megan, opened up her ass lips and said that Sharon "is only famous for managing a brain dead rock star". Wrong douchey move there, cupcake. First off, Sharon stands by her man and will bring a hooker down for fuckin with her baby daddy and second, Megan can only dream of being as smart and talented as Sharon. We bet Ozzy's turd is more entertaining to watch then Megan prance around in a bikini. You know that slut sucks at fucking and is probably the worst lay out there. Makes you wanna just cum all over her face and fart in it when your done.
Anyhaaaay, Sharon went ball sack ballistic and attached Megan by pulling her hair and hitting her dumb ass head. That's some roundaway hardcore hood life shit right there and we love it! We salute you Sharon. With a big glass of Carlo Rossi vino and a blunt to the dome piece!
Stand By Your Mandingo Mix: 1. Beat On The Brat - The Ramones 2. Rip Her To Shreds - Blondie 3. She's Lost Control - Joy Division 4. Girlfight - Brooke Valentine 5. We Ain't Going Out Like That - Cypress Hill 6. Danger Zone - Kenny Loggins 7. Mess With The Bull Get The Horns - Secret Mommy 8. Out Of Control - The Chemical Brothers 9. My Fist, Your Mouth, Her Scars - Bullet For My Vallentine 10. Hospital - The Used 11. Lady Evil - Black Sabbath 12. Bad Reputation - Joan Jett
A yummy Hostess Devil Dog dick who's gonna get that ish licked, that's who!
Seriously, Muntader al-Zaidi (let's call him Lolli for short), the shoe bomber journalist who did what everyone in the world has dreamed about should be rewarded for his good deed, by getting his cockling suckled upon morning, noon and night til that shit falls off! He also needs his face on American currency and his own National holiday. We wanna give this mandingo a titty slappin, anal sex soiree for his fantastical aim and balls of steel!
The only thing that could have made this occurrence even better is if the bottoms of the shoes had been smeared with wet shit clusters. Then, as they whizzed by Bush's monkey head, shit flakes would have sprinkled over his face and neck!
We thinks this should be a new tradition any time Nappy Bush does any public speeches or appearances. At least one reporter or official needs to fling something at him. Here are some ideas we've come up with that will help aid anyone interested:
1. Pantyhose filled with baby vomit
2. Jock straps filled with cow jizz and monkey boogers
3. A tranny's wig filled with scabs and psoriasis skin flakes
4. Water balloons filled with breast milk spiked with ass water
5. Bags filled with puss and bloody blister skin
So while you're prepping your arsenal of nasty bodily fluids and such, get pumped by listening to this mixamillion.
Payless Requests Mix: 1. Your Days Are Numbered - Accuse La Banks 2. Watch My Shoes - 3 Deep 3. Get Down Hit The Floor - Twista Ft. Pitbull 4. Run 4 Cover - Method Man Ft. Ghostface Killa 5. Bombs Over Baghdad - Outkast 6. Shut Up - Black Eyed Peas 7. Throw - Paperclip People 8. Bullseye - Aly & A.J. 9. Don't Make Me A Target - Spoon 10. American Idiot - Green Day 11. Life During Wartime - Talking Heads 12. Hey Man, Nice Shot - Filter
And if you need to just refer back this sweet moment in time, check the vid below:
Hey there ladies and germs. Welcome to the next installment of our fun little game, "Pick Your Favorite Wack Tat Attack!" Rules are the same as our first tit tingling post, which you can check out here Tat-tle Tales Part I.
Up first is a magic little nugget bead of color and delight. Fo sheezy this is every gay techie's wet dream. A beefy man arm adorn with Microsoft's blazing logo. You really have to stop and admire the craftsmanship and work put into this tat. The window box sure looks like its about to shwoosh off his arm and land right in your lap. This tat right clicks straight into our hearts and the ladies panties!
This ink-lings work is actually commendable because if we were high enough, we'd get motha fuckin Colonel Sanders face and his little string tie permanently etched onto our flesh to show our love of greasy fried processed fake chicken! This jelly belly piece is so seasoned and original, Popeye's should use this fucker in their new commercials and give that tummy tuckin Jared some competition. Quick question for the ladies out there. Would you still let this fast food fucker, put his drumstick in your hotbox after you saw this belly blazer?
And last but certainly not least we have one for you preppy penis pleasers out there. You so know this happened during some fraternity's rush week shit and a douchey freshman pledge got this Lacoste logo etched over his heart. He probably has the Abercrombie crest around his anus hole and the Polo Ralph Lauren pony on his ass cheek! Nothing like expensive cotton merchandise to get preppy boys cocks a pumpin and collars a poppin!
So now that your mind has been infected and injected with these slinky inky pieces, go and comment to cast your vote now...brown cow!
We just wanted to showcase 2 lowriding fashion trends that are spreading like a California wildfire. Which one speaks your language? They both speak english so chill.
Joselito "Titocuchifrito" Rico is one vato not to fuck with. He is the king of queens of the West Coast Coasting Low riders Association. He has been gaining notoriety in his hood for his fashion forward approach to low riding. While setting himself apart from his homosexual homies with a double knitted bunny fur lined deer poncho his abuelita made for Navidad. In honor of the first two men he killed each deer represents his bravery and marks the kill of the human beasts. God that poncho really makes those khakis pop esse we hardly even notice the bicycle son.
And here we have Paco "The Puerto Rican Pecan" Flaco. Not afraid to show his commonwealth pride of his nation and his love for Walmart. It looks like they rolled back the price on the dealie of a wheelie he got there. He leads an Eastern Spanglish crusade leaving a trail of stripes and stars to follow the fight for equality in the south Bronx. A battle is among them and although they reign on different coasts their can only be one low riding king. Who shall it be?....
Bettie Mae Page will forever be America's Pin-Up Darling. She took the world by storm with her sex kitten smile and fantastical fetish photos. She didn't give a fuck and that's why we love her so! She was bold, audacious, and Lip Smackers luscious! Everything about her was magic! From her killer fuckin bod, to those bang a gong bangs! She is quite literally the cat's meow!
Much like other rags to riches stories, Bettie came from nothing out of Nashville Tennessee, bounced around a bit, and then came to NYC with hopes of getting her hands on some cold hard cash....as a fuckin secretary. As if with those lips, hips and tits could stay confined behind a typewriter all day. While chillaxin on Coney Island beach, she was discovered by a cop who dabbled in photography, who also suggested she comb her bangs down to cover her high forehead and badda bing, badda boom....Little Miss Bettie was born!
If you actually watched that sack of shit movie The Notorious Bettie Page, you'd learn that she really didn't know what her impact would be or that the "modeling" she was doing was even considered scandalous. She's gone on to say:
"I was not trying to be shocking, or to be a pioneer. I wasn’t trying to change society, or to be ahead of my time. I didn’t think of myself as liberated, and I don’t believe that I did anything important. I was just myself. I didn’t know any other way to be, or any other way to live."
That's what's up right there! We farkin love you Bettie!!!Many will try and cop your style, but they'll never be able to hold a candle to your hotness!
Not funny. Not cute. Suffers from pre-ejaculation. Looks like a bad lesbian.
We could only be talking about 1 creature...and that be Faggot Breath Fallon. Who in all of God's green earth (but isn't it really blue?) decided it would be good idea to have him take over Conan's seat on the Late Night Show? We know this news isn't late breaking, but since the turnover is fast approaching, we figured we'd touch on this topic. We thinks his Jewish grandmother is behind all this and made some potato latkes and gummed the NBC execs to get her grandson this gig.
Honestly, only senior citizens in Florida and 5 year olds find him funny, cause neither can really understand what the hell he's saying or doing. He sucked cow utters on SNL, always breaking character and laughing during skits (like he just had a wet dream) and we expect nothing less when he takes over the reigns from Conan. He's going to be television's version of Ambien sprinkled with Ketamine dust...putting bitches to sleep before midnight!
Can't he just stick to doing movies with Queen Latifa and shiz? Those two lesbians look good on the big screen together. Really though, it's pretty pathetic that with all the actual comedians out there, NBC selected Faggot Breath to host the late night show. Unless NBC is personally sending households complimentary joints to smoke while watching this shit show, then we don't want any part of it. We give noodle nuts 3 months hosting before getting the axe.
Thanks for the buzz kill NBC!
Knock Knock... Who's There Mix: 1. Throw Away Your Television - Red Hot Chili Peppers 2.I Hate You - Slayer 3. Jumping Someone Else's Train - The Cure 4. Why You - Joe Purdy 5. Talk Show Host - Radiohead 6. That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore - The Smiths 7. Why Waste Your Time - Rosie Thomas 8. Boring - Audiodub 9. You Talk Way To Much - The Strokes 10. Go Away - Royskopp 11. I Wanna Be Sedated - The Ramones 12. Wrap It Up - Whitey
Shit, man. Times are tough and there's no resolve in sight. Three weeks ago the above 2 honky tonks were pulling in bank at NBC and Viacom. Now they're forced to beg for change on the street and dress like Williamsburg hipsters. For Shame!
With the recession depression on everyone's mind, we have to resort to unimaginable things to save money. So we got our broke asses to compiled a list of helpful tips that are sure to cut costs and hopefully make your jigglers jiggle again.
Number 1: Pay for shit on Lay-A-Way and bring it back 80's style. Don't front, you know yo mamma paid for your Buster Brown's and Osh Kosh threads on the Lay-A-Way Plan.
Number Two: Instead of going out with friends, invite them over to play strip Uno by candlelight. Not only will you save money on electricity, but you get to keep warm by the fire and look sexy in the candlelight.
Number Three: Make it a Raman Casserole night. Place cooked Raman noodles in a bowl. Then crush up a bag of 25 cents Fritos and sprinkle on top. Place in microwave for 1 minute. Let cool and enjoy! Total dinner cost: 80 cents...holla!
Number Four: This one's for the ladies. If you've been accustomed rockin mani/pedi nails and want to keep the colors on your claws, then get your hands on a multi pack of Sharpie Makers and go to town on your talons. Not only will you look current with the Emo trend, but you'll be able to get high on sniffing all those marker fumes! We know...it's brillz isn't it?!
Give A Penny Take A Penny Mix: 1. Fired - Ben Folds Five 2. PDA - Interpol 3. Burning Down The House - Talking Heads 4. I Predict A Riot - Kaiser Chiefs 5. Demon Days - Gorillaz 6. All Falls Down - Kanye West 7. 1st Of Tha Month - Bone Thugs-N-Harmony 8. Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of - U2 9. Stand By Me - The Drifters 10.Lend A Helpin' Hand - Lynrd Skynrd 11. Flowers On The Wall - The Statler Brothers 12. Why Don't You Get A Job - The Offspring
What a stupid dumb crotch itch! This ho is just lame, with a capital labia! Why is it that once celebs reach a certain status, they go absolutely poppycock, batshit crazy? What possessed Sans Pants Anderson to arrive at an event in Miami...sans pants??? Did she plan this outfit back in her ho-tel room, or did she have a hepatitis hot flash and strip down to her skivees? The question here is not really how, but why?
Anyhaaaay, we're giving this post as much attention as Sans Pants did for putting her outfit together, so sit back and let the pics and playlist tell the tale of this peroxide pussy popper.
Party In My Panties Mix: 1. Miami - Will Smith 2. Change Clothes - Jay-Z 3. You Can Leave Your Hat On - Joe Cocker 4. Pants - Randy Newman 5. The Power Of Orange Knickers - Tori Amos 6. T-Shirt And My Panties On - Adina Howard 7. Fuck Me Pumps - Amy Winehouse 8. Flesh For Fantasy - Billy Idol 9. Peek-A-Boo - Siousxsie & The Banshees 10. Ass Cheek Clap - Rob4adolla 11. With You - Jessica Simpson 12. Crazy - Seal
Ok Boys and Girls. Hoes and Wholesomes. Lads and Ladettes. It's time to play a little game that we like to call Tat-tle Tales.
We'll select three mind-bottling...you know, when things are so crazy it gets your thoughts all trapped...like in a bottle? (big ups to our hetro hero Will Ferrell for that line!!!) tattoos that are so unfathomable and so inexplicably horrific, that we just HAVE to trash the shit out of them, and then let you pick which tat is the winner.
Just post a comment for the one you think should be burned from their flesh with a hot shank, or that should be immortalized in a Ripley's Belive It Or Not. Soooooo, let the tat-tle tales begin.
First up, we have an elegantly and artistically designed tat, branded across what appears to be a female belly, filled no doubt with Dairy Queen delights and Dunkin Donuts munchkins. Just a quick question for all you folks out there that are fixated on this finery... if that is indeed the front for her stretchy, faux-denim pantaloons, where in all of Kmart brand specials is her fuckin cum container...aka belly button? Discuss amongst yourselves.
Next is a treasure that we unearthed which is far more valuable AND entertaining than watching a dream catcher dance in the wind. It is so mesmerizing you may stare at if for hours, and then question your own self worth because you did not think of this first. It is none other than an Indian gal (with a face that strikingly resembles Gollum from Lord of the Rings) who is straddling a FUCKIN CORN DOG!!!! Don't you just want to just dip whatever body part this is in a vat of corn dog coating and eat up every last morsel? We advise that you print this out and bring it to Christmas dinner as a nice family discussion piece.
And lastly, we bring forth to you a tat that is so disturbing, we're not actually sure if it's the subject matter or the act of someone getting this tattoo that makes us more confused. Mr. Michael Moore has been honored by being permanently etched onto someones fuckin bod. Our guess is that it's Michael Moore himself who got this work done, and if ever there was a chance for him to get the poontang, that ship has sailed and he's surely going to continue to fuck himself.
So tally up folks, and post your comments now. And stay tuned for the next installment of Tat-tle Tales!
ek shit and a douchey freshman pledge got this Lacoste logo etched over his heart. He probably has the Abercrombie crest around his anus hole and the Polo Ralph Lauren pony on his ass cheek! Nothing like expensive cotton merchandise to get preppy boys cocks a pumpin and collars a poppin!
