Woopsy we did a poopsy! Seems as though we've gotten ourselves in a real pickle. You see, we started off really ambitious and excited to bring forth our little bundle of fribble bibble, Gabba Gabba Haaaay, and promote it to the masses. (Enter the stickiest of the ickiest, stage left). With our premise being to knock the block off celebriwhores and create musical doodley doots out of their daily gossip stories, we got a tad bit wrapped up in the creative writing and play list process. Which means we're stoners and didn't account for the amount of time it would take to locate the tracks, load them into the player, shred them up into delicious little tasty musical morsels and then upload them onto our site for your ears to boogie to.
That would explain why we had a month break in between postings...but hey, we're stoners so you know our delayed reactions move at the speed of turtle shit.
But alas, we've been touched (yes, in our dirty no-no spots) by a tangy, magical, glittery m-angel who sprinkled us with sparkly m-angel juice, which gave us the gift to hurry things along. And we can now present to your our moist and tasty blog, chock full of fabulous funnies, musical honeys and magic bunnies. And to thank you for your patience we'd like to share with you the most rock hard, coo-coo harajuku's on the web.
Money Money - Best God Damn Clip You'll Ever See!!
Oh and PLEASE go back in time and visit our blog from the beginning of it's creation...we promise it's all that and then some, tall dark and handsome...
"Please Excuse Our Stoner-ness" Mix 1. Where Do You Go (My Lovely) - No Mercy 2. Under Construction - No Doubt 3. Perfect - Smashing Pumpkins 4. Missing - Everything But The Girl 5. Patience - Guns N Roses 6.Want You Back - Take That 7. Fix You - Coldplay 8.Perfect Drug - Nine Inch Nails 9. Please Don't Go - KWS 10. Baby, I Cant Wait - Nu Shoes 11. Tweakin' - Walter "Wolfman" Washington 12. Back in the High Life Again- Steve Windwood
(cue the Goodbye Horses track by Q Lazzarus) Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard.
Another day, another absurd celebrity confession. Apparently RDJ had an addiction...no not the very public drug one, but another more intimate problem. He was addicted to whacking his winkle...every chance he got.
Question. Why is this a problem?? Doesn't everyone piddle their own privates? A LOT? Shit we don't even want to get out of bed sometimes cause we just want to cuddle up with ourselves and crank out a few O's.
And how much does one have to self pleasure themselves for it to be considered a "problem"? Is this some Dr. Phil bullshit?? Is that fat bald pinky prick spreading rumors about this being an unhealthy life style?
Listen RJD, the only problem we have with you fucking yourself is that you're not doing it in front of a web cam for all of us to see. So our advice to you is to get back in bed, bust out the Vaseline and Kleenex, pop in Pussy Poppin Pimps 4 and rub until you can't rub no more! We'll still be here for you in the morning!
And while you're at it, throw on your special me time mix to get your jets wet.
"Table for One, Please" Mix 1. Self Love - Jaguar Wright 2. I Touch Myself - Divinyls 3. Dancing With Myself - Billy Idol 4. Detachable Penis - King Missile 5. She Bop - Cyndi Lauper 6. I Think We're Alone Now - Tiffany 7. All I Need Is You - U2 8. The Obsessive Devotion - Epica 9. Hands - Jewel 10. Sticky Fingers - Shrimp City Slim 11. Orgasm Addict - The Buzzcocks 12. Rub One Out - H-Town
Picked, Sliced and Squeezed. The Trials and Tribulations of the Citrus-y Ex Athlete, OJ Simpson. That's the working title of the made for TV movie about Shady Simpson and his jacked up life.
Can anyone out there tell us why in flippy fuck this man was even allowed to roam free in the first place? We're not going to rehash 1995 ya'll, but just know that what goes around comes around and if you think you can beat the system, youz dead wrong!It's like that riveting, barrier breaking epic film Final Destination showed us, once you've been marked, yo shit is up.
You Do Not Pass Go. You Do Not Collect $200. Sorry for that little monopoly outburst...It's a Milton Bradley kinda of day...
Anysquirt, Shady Simpson's done punched his last time card and is finally getting the punishment he deserve, although it's for a different crime. This guilty mothaf-er was arrested in Vegas for thieving in the night, like some common arse thug. The best was that he was caught trying to steal back some crappy ass sports memorabilia of himself which he claimed was stolen from him.
Priceless audio was captured from that fateful night in Vegas, which was submitted and played in court. Shady Simpson was recorded saying
"I'm O.J. Simpson. How am I going to think that I'm going to rob somebody and get away with it? Besides, I thought what happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas"
You know who should have a reality show? This juggernaut! Quotes like that, would really rock the ratings, and blow shows like Hogan Knows Best out of the water. But we think it's best that this thumbalina turd nugget rot behind bars and the jury has also agreed. By giving him 13 years in the pen, maybe Bonkers McGinty can find Jesus and write his memoirs.
So after ShadySimpson was brought to his holding cell he was heard winding and grinding the jail bars to this shady soundtrack:
What Happens in Vegas DOESN'T Stay In Vegas Mix: 1. Las Vegas With the Lights Out - Geggy Tah 2. Locked Up - Akon 3. Better Luck Next Time - Oingo Boingo 4. It Sucks To Be You - Quiet Riot 5. It Aint A Crime- House of Pain 6. O.P.P. -Naughty By Nature 7. Rhymin & Stealin - The Beastie Boys 8. Guilty - Lou Reed 9. Shame On a N*gga - Wu-Tang Clan 10.Memorabilia - Soft Cell 11. Been Caught Stealing - Jane's Addiction 12. The Boy Done Wrong Again - Belle & Sebastian
Crispy delicious air. Foliage in full effect. Strong whipping winds that flip up comb-overs and girls skirts. Yup its get your fuck on Fall time! And we embrace this time of year with a pleasantly plump grape flavored blunt, a bottle of the finest Chateau Diana White Zinfandel and a econo-sized sack of "cavities in a bag" also known as candy corn.
New Yorkers rejoice this time of year when then can bust out their snuggly over sized sweaters, and tuck away the tank tops and micro minis we've been donning all summer. We're most excited for the fact that we won't be sweating through our clothing just by entering the subways and we wont get to work looking like we've been working out with Susan Powers all morning.
The best activity to partake in during the Fall months aside from stealing Halloween candy from little kids...yes we're cruel, but fuck em, is hopping on your bicicleta and throwing on a tasty musical morsel in your i-pumpkin patch and feeling that breeze down to your knees (ha- that's the gayest thing ever!, but it works)
So fresh from our apple picking i-pod party, we've got some oldies and some goodies thrown in to our fresh baked musical apple pie. It's so sweet and warm, Sara Lee is rolling over in her crock pot!
"Onesie Time" Mix 1. I Might Be Wrong - Radiohead 2. Profanity Prayers - Beck 3. Future - Cut Copy 4. Half Asleep - School of Seven Bells 5. Inní Mér Syngur Vitleysingur - Sigur Rós 6. Mykonos - Fleet Foxes 7. Sleeping Lessons - The Shins 8. Brandy Of The Damned - Nickel Eye 9. Nuclear - Ryan Adams 10. Keep Your Eyes Ahead - The Helio Sequence 11. Crucify Your Mind - Rodriguez 12. Ayo Technology (Milow Cover Version) - Milow Bonus Track 13. Autumn In New York - Billie Holiday
Let's talk democracy for a moment...All this time we have been led to believe here in the U.S.that we live in a free country but then we come to find out that MTV EuropeMusic Awards the people get to vote for their own best live act. Our caca MTV doesn't let us do shit. They don't even let us watch videos. They are so free over there that they got to actually choose Rick "Tricky Dicky" Astley to be voted for best live act ever, EVER! Our choices would be picked for us like Britney Spears, Cristina Aguilera or even Tokio Hotel. Ohh wait those peculiar Euro Trash may be worse off because they actually chose those acts, so even though we don't get to choose or vote they for this moment have no taste.
Well except for the Tricky Dicky nom. That dyke managed to get some stoner freak to "Rickrolled" 25 million homosapien, (we know your thinking homosexuals), into watching his thwacking hit. Maybe that sneaky bitch Bono was behind it. Shit, he's like a fucking spy or something and all spy's know like a hundred languages like HTML. He worked them codes up to rehash us all the fagulous "Never Gonna Give You Up" back to the charts. Bono needed some stiff competition for once.
Before Tricky Dickys dress rehearsal at a Commitment Ceremony Ptown his clit tickling teasing hips were seen shaking to his latest inspirational mix.
"Matrix Of Domination" Mix 1. Welcome Back - John Sebastian 2. Better With Age - Harve Mann 3. Surprise - Gnarls Barkley 4. The Second Time Around- Shalamar 5. Because I'm Awesome - The Dollyrots 6. Competition - New Edition 7.The Comeback - Shout Out Louds 8. Magical Suprise -Turn Blue 9. Bop to the Top - Ryan & Sharpay 10. Better In Time - Leona Lewis 11. Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley 12. Back from the Dead - House Of Pain
Jungle Juice Janet has cancelled two of her shows in the middle of her tour and has been admitted into the hospital.
She's claiming that the cause is exhaustion, but bitch, shit everyone gets tired and you don't see an influx of peeps running to the hospital for that shiz.
We think that the problem is much more deep rooted than she wants the pub to believe.
See the real scoop-a-loop is that after she was barfed on all over her precious by her hobbit BF, Baby Dupri, some of that spunk funk got into her bloodstream and is make homehoe mutate and ish.
Wouldn't that be the best if Jungle Juice came out of the hospital lookin like a crispier version of Gollum! That would make our millenia! Anydoop, while laid up in the hospital bed, JJ likes to keep her head focused with this tasty lil mix:
"Hotty Totty" Mix
1. Cancelled Show - White Demons
2. No Refund - Johnnie Taylor
3. Relax- Frankie Goes to Hollywood
4. No Stress -Laurent Wolf
5. Maybe I'm Just Tired - As Tall As Lions
6. Sick Bed Blues - Skip James
7. I Don't Want to Die (In the Hospital) - Conor Oberst