Listen, we put a lot of trust in our celebs and accept the fact that if they're going to act a fool, they will at least be doing something that is above us common folk or be something that without enough money we would never get away with.
But there are few things that celebs just can't get away with, one being sprayed on with a black hobbit's hot pukie puke.
Unfortch for Ms. Wardrobe Malfunction, the cardinal rule was shattered all over her surgery ridden ass. While celebrating Baby Dupri's big boy day at Tenjune in NYC, the little Hobbit couldn't hold his liquor and barfed all over Double J.
Apparently Baby D was chugging Champers and Tequila (always a great mix) like he was 14, in his parents basement and sneaking booze while they were out. What in the ass chips was homehobbit thinking? Was this his first time at the rodeo? Who the flip flop mixes champagne and tequila?
Anypuke, after Baby D was unstrapped from his booster seat and his bah-bah was taken away, Double J peaced that mother out like Papa Joe Jackson was coming after her with the belt, leave Baby D to sit in his own mess until he learned his lesson.
Good for Janet...nobody barfs on baby in a corner! Miss Damita Jo don't play games!
So while Baby D was left to have little wet dreams after Janet left, she was heard blasting this mix from the tinted out pimp ride she sped away in.
"This Vomits All For You"Mix 1. In Da Club - 50 Cent
2. Tipsy - J-Kwon
3. Throw it Up - Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz
4. Let's All Get Drunk - Afroman
5. Tequilla - The Hit Crew
6. The Puking Song - The Dead Milkmen
7. Barf Bag - Chris Reardon
8. Party Til You Puke - Andrew W.K. 9. Elegantly Wasted - INXS
Another Hollywood hero has gone three sheets to the wind...we don't even know what that means, but people say it, so we guess its got to make sense to someone.
Anydrunk, Miss Hit Em Up Heather has gone and got herself in a real pickle...another saying that Quaaludes us, but whateves.
Our sweet sweet bad to the bone, rock n roll-model has been arrested for driving, during the day, under the influence. She appeared to be zonked out on prescription pillz and was a swaying all over like she was getting road head.
Don't get us wrong, we're definitely a fan of prescription pills and we're definitely all for getting fucked up, but why, oh why do peeps get wasted and then get behind the wheel? Honestly, it's more fun to stay inside, zoning out, fighting the sleep, eating chocolate and smoking stogies til your fingers are yellow.
If these celebs are looking for a thrill, pop a couple of pills and get a fuckin Wii!! Pretend your driving, or playing golf or whatever the fuck these Japs have made for the game system. Just don't go out thinking your supermang and expect not to look suspicious when you're doing 3 mph on the opposite side of the rode and your eyes are closed. Cops are dookie-brains, but they ain't that Limp Bizkit.
Anysways, Hit Em Up Heather was blasting the shit out of her i-perc with this mix a bumpin:
Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum have been touched with the kiss of death and have done the stupidest shiz possible.
Ryan Reynolds Wrap and Scar Tissue Johansson have walk down the isle...er, wood chip lined path and took the plunge this past weekend.
Why can't peeps in Hollywood just be happy with a good dickin and call it a day? Is it truly necessary to go through all the hoopla of having a wedding which you know will be broken up within a year?
Truth be told, Scar Tissue is a hot little piece of doodie wop, but she looks about as fun as an air dried vagina that peed in a port-o-potty.
And sweet baby Ry Ry also happens to be as hot and spicy as apple cider on a cold winter's night, who can also make your g-strings soggy with laughter, but you know he must have a Polly Pockets size peen, cause lets face it, no one's perfect.
So anyscoop, these two dimple dicks got hitched at some private ass wilderness resort in Canada. Say wha? Ummm, did Scar Tissue demand she go out like Snow Fuckin White and have all the little forest creatures scurrying around dressing her before the ceremony? I hope the little squirrels pegged their dumb asses with acorns instead of rice!
During the reception, down by the babbling brook, these two fucklettes danced on logs to this play list on their i-pinecone:
There should be a rule in life that doesn't allow hot bitches to die. So were are extremely sadden that the most delectable hot bitch Paul Newman passed away of cancer. And for all of you who think hot bitch only means outer beauty you fools are surely mistaken. This Hot Bitch was an actor, entrepreneur, film director, humanitarian and an auto racer.
Let's just talk about Newman's Own for a twinkling. His company has donated %100 of it's profits which has reached over $250 million dollars to educational and charitable services since it's royal conception in 1982. That is hot, bitch. Forget the money though, the most important thing we will remember is the those fucking banging and enchanting mint oreos he made. So what if his food was granola, that shit is still blue-ribbon stoner nosh. All his goods are the shit!
We nearly shit ourselves when we found out Newman was color blind. He wanted to be a pilot while he was in the Navy and shit and found out he was colorblind so homeboy was grounded without wings. What the fuck is that like not to be able to see color? It has to be boring but maybe he spiced up his retinas with his picturesque imagination. We can't believe those appetizing eyeballs couldn't make out a color. Poor hot Bitch.
Lets all remember his dopeness by spending this yucky caca Saturday and watching some of his greatest films like Cool Hand Luke, Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, Exodus and The Color Of Money where he finally won a long deserved Oscar. But our favorite has to be Hombre. The slogan was "Hombre means MAN... Paul Newman is HOMBRE!" If that's not on his gravestone we have not don't the man justice.
Just before Paul's death he was last heard listening to his favorite mix which was believed to make him see the color blue like his crystal blue balls. You will be missed Paul.
"Paul Newman's Opus" Mix 1. Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera 2. You Sexy Thing - Hot Chocolate 3. Lost In the Supermarket - The Clash 4. Salad Bowl - Nick Alexander 5. Popcorn - Hot Butter 6. No Cars Go - Arcade Fire 7. You May Know Him - Cat Power 8. I Give You Give Blind - Crosby, Still & Nash 9. Forever Young - Rod Stewart 10. Heart Of Gold - Neil Young 11. I Can Only Give You Everything - MC5 12. 8 Ball -Underworld
Awww bip! We love this type of Hollywood dirt. These two douchies can't stand each other and they're going to be forced to spend even more time together promoting the upcoming movie Four Christmases!
HA. Isn't it the shit when 2 seemingly cool actors want to smack the shit out of each other?
Apparently while filming the comedy Four Christmases, Rump Roast Reese and Valium Face Vaughn who play lovers in the flick actually wanted to cut each other up into little tiny bits and feed them to the birds.
Even though Rump Roast usually plays sweet, fun-loving chicks, you know homehoe is as vanilla as a preppy JCrew wearing stick in the mud. And Valium Face has seriously slid down the dick hole of hotness since quitting smoking, gaining man teets and loosing his hair, but at least he can make us laugh.
Anypoop, while on tour, in their separate trailers, we've caught snippets of the tuneage pumpin out from their i-pissers:
"Sham Jam" Mix
1. Gotta Get Away - The Offspring
2. I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace
3. Fake Friends - Joan Jett & Blackhearts
4. Can't Stand Me Now - The Libertines
5. I Wanna Wanna Wanna Wanna Wanna Wanna Wanna Get Rid Of You - Gravy Train!!!!
Will the paps ever learn?? First of all, you never fuck with a preggers bitch cause they're more dangerous then the Crips outta Compton. Fuck that! They're packing the ultimate heat...baby hot flashes are for realz!!!
And second, you definitely don't fuck with a preggie Aussie. They will kangaroo kick ya in the nads and then slice ya with a machete...we've seen Crocodile Dundee, so we know how they roll.
Miss Brass Knucks Naomi (Watts...for those of you that are celebretarded), was out and about with a gal pal in La La Land yesterday, when she was followed by the pap hounds which ticked this trick off. She basically told the paps to fuck off, then tried to whack a pap and/or his camera out of her way. 2 points for Knucks. That's just so bad ass...and this is all while sportin a big fat preggie belly!
Her friends also got in on the action and was slapping away and cursing the pappies. Damn, I wish Knucks would hurry up and pop that little tit sucker out already, so we can stalk her and hopefully either a- get into a brawl with scrappy cakes mcgee OR b- befriends her ass and get twisted in a local pub and bully dudes.
Who knew that Knucks was such a roundaway, project ruff neck with a license to ill? As she drove away after her eventfully afternoon she was herd blasted this mix through her i-punch:
"Feeling Black & Blue" Mix 1. Fuck You (An Ode To No One) - Smashing Pumpkins 2. Canonnball - The Breeders 3. Back Up Off Me - Master P 4. Pissed Off - Angie Stone 5. Hormones In The Headphones - Victor Wooten 6. Rage - Chromeo 7. Moodswings Overture - Moodswings 8. Knocked Up - Kings Of Leon 9. Need Some Air - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club 10. Leave Me Alone - Extreme 11. Everybodys Talkin' - Harry Nilsson 12. Relax, Take It Easy - Mika
Wow. Those hoes in Hollywood will do anything for a fuck and a buck. As if anyone in their right mind didn't already know that Clay Ass is Aiken was a hot beef injection kinda lady.
Clay is appearing on the cover of People mag with a pic of him holding is newborn homo and a "Yes, I'm Gay" title. Umm...what's with the same tired ass headline?? The peeps over at People need something more fresh for outing celebs. Something like, "I Like Cock... In My Dirt Spot" or for the lezzie "I Chow on Coochie".
We're tired of the same old line being splashed across the cover whenever a celeb wants to get millions of quarter rolls for stating the obvious!
Seriously though, I think the only people on planet Earth that are going to be in denial about this Ass is Aiken thing are those red state, middle American heifers that are into Fabio and QVC.
Anycock, while on the set for the photo shoot, in between takes, Clay was being the normal fire crotched diva and would escape to his lady lounge to mellow out and listen to this mix on his i-pooter
"Queer Queef Quake" Mix
1. I'm Coming Out - Diana Ross
2. Bustin' Loose - Chuck Brown & The Soul Searchers
Soooo let us try and get this straight...these two hipster hoes are fighting over this dingle berry booger nose wannabe techie?
Umm BARF. Seriously, is there that much of a good dick draught in H-town that seemingly cute vagina's such as Droopy Tits Drew and Kricket Cunt Kirsten have to stoop to this level of plain jane penis? The only way this shit can slide is if his PC package really lives up to his last name.
Honestly though, this vanilla face looks like he'd be great at slumber parties and girls night outs...but as the token gay bff! The one who will paint your toe nails and french braid your hair. And tells you that all men are scum and help plot revenge scenarios. Not some Don Juan ladies man, making honey's drop their panties like their backstage at a Flo Rida concert.
Apparently Justin Schlong knows how to reboot the ladies motherboards, cause he was the reason these two skanks were acting like they were in high school this past weekend at the SNL Studios and the after party.
Droopy and Kricket were both at the taping of Saturday Night Live supporting their friends who were on the show, and while backstage these two grade school girlies were apparently throwing nasty looks, passing notes about each other and trying to get each other in detention.
I mean really, if they were going to act like they were twelve over some doodie lip loser, then they could have at least done it proper and smacked each other up. NYC and Hollywood are so PG! They should both sign a deal with Disney and get it over with already.
Anylazy, not only do these hookers have the same bad taste in sunglasses and the same nasty aftertaste of Schlong's public hair, but they also sulk the same way. While at the after party Drew and Kirsten were both seen in opposite sides of the bar listen to their i-pussies about Ding Dong's schlong.
"Drew's Control, Alt, Delete" Mix 1. Girlfriend- Avirl Lavigne 2. One Way Or Another - Blondie 3. I Want You To Want Me- Cheap Trick 4. White Flag - Dido 5. Lovefool - Cardigans 6. When You Were Mine- Cyndi Lauper 7. Get Back - The Beatles 8. I Want It That way -Backstreet Boys 9. Hooked on a Feeling - Blue Swede 10. Who The F*ck Is That - Dj Nasty 11. You Oughta Know - Alanis Morisette 12. Red Red Red - Fiona Apple Bonus Track 13. Shitlist - L7
"Kirsten's Sloppy Seconds" Mix 1. The Boy Is Mine - Brandy ft. Monica 2. You Want This - Janet Jackson 3. Dirt Off Your Shoulder - Jay Z 4. Strict Machine- Goldfrapp 5. Notorious - Duran Duran 6. Cold Hard Bitch - Jet 7. Please, Please, PLease, Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths 8. I Hate Nights Like This - Clay Walker 9. I Stole Your Love - Kiss 10. Back Off Bitch - Guns 'N' Roses 11. Violet -Hole 12. Jealous Girls - The Gossip Bonus Track 13. Hey Jealousy -Gin Blossoms
Let's pretend we were playing Password and we said to you: Public terlets. Smokin Doobies. Ass Crack/Cock-Caine. Who would come to mind first? DING DING DING! If you guessed George "Fun Boy" Michael, then you sure know your gay druggie trivia and we salute you!
Last night in foggy London town, Fun Boy was caught yet again in a public bathroom and arrested for carrying that sticky and sweet shit along with some nose candy. We just don't flippin get it. Why oh why do celebs insist on A. hanging out or even entering public restrooms and B. having drugs on them when they do it.
I guess the saying is true, money doesn't buy happiness and it sure as shit doesn't make you any smarter. You can bet your bottom ducket, that if we were international celebrities, we'd have bitches running around on all fours doing our dirty work, like wiping our asses squeaky clean with a q-tip, or dabbing sweat off our brows when we're schfitzing. And for shit sure we'd have a look out squad on hand at all times when we're compelled to do illegal shitzies.
Don't get us wrong, we think its farking awesome that Papa Michael likes to get his rocks off and party like a, well...a gay boy, but Georgie-Cakes, don't be a dick about it. Watch your ass for fuck sake would ya...even if somebody's fucking it! Unless you're promoting an album or world tour, there's just no need to be caught doing stupid shit. Anyblitz, among the drugs, paraphernalia and pocket lint that was confiscated from G-Strings pockets, his i-popper was taken and had this play list a blastin:
"Oi, Give Us A Light" Mix 1. I Want To Get High - Cypress Hill 2. Little Green Bag - George Baker 3. Meet Me In The Bathroom - The Strokes 4. Who's Got The Crack - The Moldy Peaches 5. Cocaine Blues - Johnny Cash 6. Smoke And Wine - Hank Williams III 7. Good Stuff - B-52's 8. You're No Good - Lida Rondstandt 9. I Can't Say No - Joan Osborne 10. Living With Ghosts - Smoke Fairies 11. Last Dance With Mary Jane - Tom Petty 12. Where Is My Mind - The Pixies
Its a low down dirty shame, Patty Melt O'Brien. You best to stop yo lying, cause all we hear is you shuckin' and jivin'. 60 years old and NOW you want to heal the world and be all saint-like? Well we ain't buyin it, sucka MC. Even though we can due without seeing your perverted mug on Inside Edition every night, your lame-o excuses leave a bad coke residue in our mouths.
P-Funk was recently in Iowa flexing his porno stache and trying to be all rico suave for the cameras, but something suddenly changed him. Apparently, he claims he had a moment of realization and that all those celebrity collaboration songs about healing the world, and making it a better place, were for real and he wants a piece of that humble pie.
Umm the more likely story is that he was probably donkey punched across that Mic face for scoring some coke and trying to have sex in the champagne room.
Patty-boomba-laddy, we all know you gots the fevah in you. The devil runs thick in your veins, and you cant resist the urges to party like Hasselhoff at a German brothel.
But ok, you want to take the "high" road, and say that seeing the poverty in Iowa ...IOWA (!!!), has made you want to walk the righteous path and leave behind entertainment television, but whatcha gonna do now??
There ain't no way this homebong is going to donate his time and money to help fellow man. Motherhumper is going into early retirement to start taking advantage of all that white trash poon and fill those trail park hoes with promises of died roots and super sized value meals.
Further proof that Pill Popper Pat is being slim shady, was his bedazzled i-patty was stolen from his hotel room and turned up in a pawn shop the next day, with this play list on repeat:
"Nuttin' Personal" Mix
1. Lyin Eyes - The Eagles 2. Let's Talk Dirty In Hawaiian - John Prine 3. Hell - Squirrel Nut Zippers 4. Voices Carry - 'Til Tuesday 5. Change - Blind Melon 6. That's Entertainment - The Jam 7. The Way I Are - Timbaland 8. Need A Job - Karate 9. Suicide Blonde - INXS 10. Take It Like A Man - Bachman Turner Overdrive 11. Boy's Don't Cry - The Cure
You see that? He is eyeing a burger and fries someone is stuffing down. Valerina "Cherokee" Kilmer is a hungry man, so hungry he wants to become governor of New Mexico to feast on those deliciously catered meals in the Governors Mansion.
This yummy Cherokee glazed donut was raised as Christian Scientist which made us worried when we heard that but look at homeboy. He is definitely smoking some weed. I bet he did go around when he was a believer saying " Have you ever tried Christian Science...On Weed?" But that one Kush blunt opened his ojos to the bullshit and started raising bison instead.
We heard some shit that he and Crazy Cakes Cruise have had an ongoing hate for each other but lets face it Valerina can smell crazy miles away. Like we said raised on Christian Science. Maybe it's because Cruise couldn't find heels tall enough to compete with "IceMan" in Top Gun. Shiiit maybe we will never know.
But we can totally get into Valerina becoming governor. It would be the hotness is he campaigned as his "Doc Holiday" character in Tombstone. That sexy fucking look would make him Governor and it beats that Mexican blanket look he has nowadays but still we would vote for him. So would 50 Cent. Remember when that dyke gave him $100,000 car as a gift from that porno they made "Streets of Blood". We guess he's the best top there is.
Oh well too bad we live in NYC and can't vote but our dealer "friend", also his campaign manager sent us a copy of his latest mix. Here he is already running for mayor or is he running for the free buffet?
"Political Science Project" Mix 1. Cherokee - Rita Coolidge 2. Break On Through (To The Other Side) - The Doors 3. Nah Vote Again - Anthony B 4. New Mexico - Johnny Cash 5. Politics As Usual - Jay Z 6. Batdance - Prince 7. Holding Out For A Hero - Bonnie Tyler 8. Iceman Cometh - Ed Harcourt 9. Even Better Than The Real Thing - U2 10. I Wont Back Down - Tom Petty 11. Bison - Banana Slug String Band 12. Think - Aretha Franklin
While we were eating the deliciously addicting soft serve ice cream from our local fat fuck truck we learned the sad news that Richard "Right On" Wright had died of cancer. For those of you with celeb retarded brains he was one of the founding members of the psyche delicacy we call Pink Floyd.
"Right On" Wright was an advocate for racial harmony, the harmony of playing those little black and white keys from his spellbinding fingers and bringing all races together. Let us not forget that he also sang some of Pink Floyds lullabies like "Astronomy Domine" and "Matilda Mother" while Syd Barret was roaming around Cambridge tripping fucking balls. Those are definitely strictly hippy tripping titles.
There was an ongoing bitch fight between "Right On" Wright and Rodger "Period Pond" Waters cause Wright was a super diva. During the recording of "The Wall" Wright refused to come back from holiday early to finish the orgy jamming session in time cause he was skiing in the Caribbean. We think Wright didn't want to come back because of that freaky Scottish dude yelling "if you don't eat your meat, you cant have any pudding!, how can you have any pudding if you don't eat 'your meat?" at the end of "Another Brick In The Wall (Part 2). That shit would creep us out to on the dayum cocaine too.
His greatest fuck you was his first solo album "Wet Dream" seriously, "Wet Dream". That's the way Right On Wright felt after banking on "The Wall" tour and not dealing with Rodger "Period Pond" Waters vaginal mood swings anymore. Just because you be slapping that bass Waters doesn't mean you can slap your band mates about. Fucking brits.
Now that we found our hidden gel tabs in our one hitter box we will play you your goodbye lullabies. Shine On You Crazy Diamond.
"Laserbeam Dreams" 1. In My Time Of Dying - Led Zeppelin 2. (Don't Fear) The Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult 3. Spirit In The Sky - Norman Greenbaum 4. Someone Great - LCD Soundsystem 5. The Great Gig In The Sky - Pink Floyd 6. Wind Beneath My Wings - Bette Midler 7. Knockin' On Heavens Door - Bob Dylan 8. The End - The Doors 9. Dust In The Wind - Kansas 10. The Living Years - Mike And The Mechanics 11. Death Is Not The End - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds 12. Videotape - Radiohead
Hip Hip Whore-Hay! Big fuckin woop! Miss Jenny from the Crock Pot, feels all triumphant cause she completed some rinkie dink Malibu Triathlon. Honestly, you know ho-girl just did it to try and get her saggy ass back into shape, and not so much for the angle she's playing that she did it to raise some bling for a children's hospital.
Ummm Miss Thang, you're like a zillionaire, just donate some money and call it a day! You don't see Brad and Angie parading around like some gym rat wannabe's and saying that they're doing it for charity. Just bust out your Looney Tune themed check and sent that mother out.
Honestly, this is just another publicity stunt to get ol' Fly Trap Girl back in the press. Her Puerto Rican ass hasn't been back in the limelight since she popped out those two vampire younglings, and like her kids feen for the blood she feens for the attention.
So in short, it's gonna take more to impress us J.Ho, so keep on tryin cause we aint buyin!
"Tour De Force Of Course" Mix 1. High Energy - Evelyn Thomas 2. You Can Do It - Ice Cube 3. Flexin' - Heavy D & The Boyz 4. Pump It Up - Elvis Costello 5. Jumping Jack Flash - Rolling Stones 6. Sweating Bullets - Megadeth 7. Physical - Olivia Newton John 8. Triathlon - Vectrolab 9. Into the Ocean - Blue October 10. Bicycle Race - Queen 11. I Ran (So Far Away) - Flock Of Seagulls 12. Finish Line - Lou Reed
When we heard that the menopause network also known as Lifetime would be airing an original biographical movie on Coco Chanel we nearly piddled on the floor like an excited new born pup...and then the excitement level was quadrupled when we heard that it would be none other than the divine Ms. Shirley Mac"Cut You"Clain playing Coco!
We've died and gone to middle America, housewife heaven.
Burn all your Danielle Steel and harlequin novels. Delete all your Martha Stewart and Oprah episodes on Tivo, cause the only thing you'll need to keep you feeling warm and tingly (aside from your Rabbit) is this masterful piece of Saturday night TV.
The 3 hour bio pic was filled with delicious little nibbles, with quotes like "Chanel silence." and "Freedom never goes out of style." The movie makes you live in the past and view the times through the eyes of a feisty and fiery femme fatale!
There were so many beautiful scenes with the amazing Chanel fashions starting from early in her career leading up to the iconic suits...and you cant help but crave her little masterpieces, like you crave Beckhams hot beef injection.
The best is that homehoe had her little bitches sewing each piece by hand and doing away with machines, because she was really a perfectionist or maybe just a masochist.
Now this is just an honest observation, but if Coco wasn't shown with her gentleman callers, one might think, judging by her actions and attitude, that she was a full fledged clit craving dyke!
Anywoop, in honor of Mizz Coco Puffs we salute her with a magical and milky mix:
"Cuckoo For CoCo Chanel " Mix
1. Money, Power, Respect - The Lox ft. DMX & Lil Kim
Someone must have made a poo poo in their diapie and had that "not so fresh" feeling. Kranky Kanye was arrested yesterday for being on the rag and assaulting a pap smear in LAX. Mr. Flashing Lights was not in the mood for an extreme close up and raged against the machine aka smashing a $10K camera.
Motha fucka. This knuckle butt is like Jekyl and Hyde. Normally Big Kranky K is all hot in the pants to get his pic taken and say something stupid, but I guess he wasn't feelin the flow yesterday morn.
Which leads us to wonder, Que Pasa Kayne? Were you nursing a case of blue balls and weren't in the mood to shmooze? Were your eyebrows unwaxed and you were feeling self conscience? Maybe it was just that baby didn't get his baa-baa and you were just crabby...like your pubies.
Whatever the case, this slut was arrested, brought to county and then released the same day on $20,000 bail. He was then brought back to the airport and flew to Hawaii to start recording some new twizzle tracks.
We're pretty sure a song is going to be spawned from this incident and we'll have to hear about it on his next album aptly titled Postpartum Lunchtime Recession. Here are the latest cuts from his CD compilation:
"I'm Grounded Tonight : (" MIX 1. Blinded By The Light - Manfred Mann's Earth Band 2. Smile For The Paparazzi - Cobra Starship 3. Flashing Lights - Kanye West 4. Danger! High Voltage - Electric Six 5. All 'n My Grill - Missy Elliot 6. PMS - Mary J. Blige 7. Not Ready To Make Nice - Dixie Chixs 8. Pictures Of You - The Cure 9. I Fought The Law - The Clash 10. Caught Out There - Kelis 11. Get A Grip - Aerosmith 12. I Want To Break Free - Queen
Rent is spent...and that's a big steaming pile cow plop!
With all the dick juice flooding the lullabies of Lameway, they friggin close Rent?? Phantom is the soggiest, lumpiest ass nugget and that shit is still going strong for 20 years. Phantom needs to grow some nads and go for the gold. You're not scary, you're not creepy, you're just a whinny bitch.
And Pussies. That wackness was stinkier than hot logs in some Fresh Step cat litter. I mean it had the worst concept, the lamest costumes and just plain wreaked like Courtney Love's toe jam. AND that hunk of ringworm ran for 18 years.
The removal of Rent is just another notch on the "Let's fuck over NYC" plan! We don't know why this actually shocks us, since all the delicious tiddliebops that make up NYC are being sucked out of the mother teet.
The Bowery blows...no more CB's!!! No more good clubs to dance the night away and lick acid tabs off of cage dancers boot heels!
AND they've driven all the crack fiends and rapists out of all the parks! Now where's mamma gonna get her fix and fucks on a Saturday night?
But honestly, Rent was a phenomenal, emotional piece of history that documented a true to life scene of NYC in the 90's. It was gritty, it was moody and most of all it was real.
So thank you Rent, for 12 wonderful years of sex, drugs and rock n roll!
"Squaters Rejoice" Mix 1. Hard Knock Life - Jay Z
2. Art Is Hard - Cursive 3. To Be Young - Ryan Adams 4. Don't Dream Its Over - Crowded House 5. Say It Ain't So - Weezer 6. Save Me - Aimee Man 7. Adios - Jennifer Lopez 8. I Will Remember You - Sarah McLaughlin 9. Sing - Travis 10. Common People - Pulp 11. New York I Love You - LCD Soundsystem 12. Goodbye Yellowbrick Road - Elton John
Achtung, baby! We're sorry but it just never gets old seeing or hearing about celebrities falling in front of the cameras or on stage. It especially gets are titties hard when your average joe shmoe, grows a big hairy set and bum rushes performers on stage.
Much like the recent incident where Troll Gallagher was slammed mid song during the Toronto Virgin Music Festival.
Honestly, this hero should be awarded a cash prize of $1,000 and 2 snaps in the snap cup! What we wouldn't give to have seen the Gallagher Girls live when this nana happened.
Other note worth celebrity bashing's include when Shlobby Knobby (Robbie)Williams was rammed (not in his ass unfortch) off stage by a stage stalker in Germany. Watch that shit on You Tube and be prepared to have to change your underoo's, because you're guaranteed to have something leak out.
The crowned glory of celebrity missteps is actually a cookie toss up between Kimberly "Twinkie Twat" Stewart and Kelsey "Cobblepot" Grammer.
Twinkie Twat was trying to act cool while straddling a chopper on the red carpet, when the slut muffin accidentaly started it, which sent her skidding across the carpet. Instead of embarrassed, homeslut was mostly pissed, not because she fell, but because she just got rid of her old carpet burns, and now had a fresh pair to deal with.
And then there's Cobblepot. What a douche. If you share a hatred for that dumb ass show Fraiser, then you'll love this schnitzle slip. Foolio, was being his usual unfunny, dry like a grannie's crotch self, giving a speech at Disneyland when the doodle dick slipped and fell off the stage. The best part is that his mic picks up all his verbal pain, which in turn brings oh so much joy to sick fucks like us. Go ahead and take a gander. We're fairly certain you'll dig watching doodle dick hit the deck!
So in honor of the all these tonto trips, we salute you with our specially crafted playlist:
"Eatin Shit" Mix 1. Wipe Out - The Surfaris 2. Head Like A Hole - NIN 3. Trip Like I Do - Filter 4. Bandages - Hot Hot Heat 5. Tubthumping - Chumbawamba 6. Starry Eyed Suprise - Paul Oakenfold ft. Shifty 7. Catch Me (I'm Falling) - Pretty Poision 8. I'll Tumble 4 Ya - Culture Club 9. Oops Upside Your Head -The Gap Band 10. Don't Trip -Trina ft. Lil Wayne 11. One Slip - Pink Floyd 12. Everybody Hurts - REM Bonus Track 13. Bad Day - Daniel Powter
Yesterday, Sunday night TV was infested with the airing of the 2008 MTV VMA's also know as Vomiting Mutant Assdots. This stinkfest was the worst piece of crap to hit the airwaves since 7th Heaven. Honestly, the above pic should have been what those so called performers received last night... roasted pieces of hairy, rank moon-ing men.
Seriously thought, we would have preferred having that Ramen Noodle lips "Wannabe a VJ" winner Jesse host this garbage instead of jizz licker Russell Brand! If they're going to bring in a homeless looking host, then at least give it to someone who really needs a free meal and not some British pony fucker.
And another thing...all anyone can talk about is how last night was Food Stamp Spears' big cumback. Come on, it's pretty clear that all they did was slap on some Wet-N-Wild cosmetics, glue on a couple of new "Dreamcatchers Hair Extensions, by Paris Hilton (no shit, that's the name of her donkey-ass hair pieces) and put her in a Joyce Lesbian bargain bin dress.
Food Stamps Spears could have at least did a little lip syncing and body waving to deserve those awards. I mean Expired Aguilera did it, so in true competitive Disney dyke style, Food Stamp Spears should have attempted to Superman that hoe.
We must say, that with all the diarrhea stains slithering up and down the stage, at least there was no sign of Fragile Fuck Fergie. We're tired of seeing that meth face. The only time we can actually stand to see this crotch wad is when she's pissing in her spandex pants or being tea bagged by the rest of the Black Eye Sleeze.
And Seriously. Seriously. Who the fuck are these German dookieberries, Tokio Hotel? The lead singer looks like he got hit in the face with a Heidi Klum qeef and a smacked with a Hasselhoff hemorrhoid. We're fairly certain that the lead singer makes wigs out of his own waxed crack hair and deep throats dread lock cock boy.
We can only hope that next year, all these flemwad, cock smokers are wiped off our planet while this play list blasts in their dishonor...
"Poppin Bubble Gum Pop Scum" Mix 1. Is This It - The Strokes 2. Self Esteem - The Offspring 3. Everything About You - Ugly Kid Joe 4. Wait and Bleed - Slipnot 5. Another Word For Desperate - Daylight Run 6. Love To Hate You - Erasure 7. Road to Nowhere - Talking Heads 8. Useless - Depeche Mode 9. Loser - Beck 10. You Make Me Sick - Pink 11. Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus 12. Talentless Fucks - Dive Dive Bonus Track 13. Fade to Grey - Visage
When it was announced last year that Thor Equities was buying Astroland Park in Coney Island, NY we thought fuck yeah Thor is the gay king. He was gonna strike that hot long Mjoinir, his hammer dummy, and bareback the place up a little. Adorn the boardwalk with tiny shiny silver helmets with wings and making red capes mandatory on the cyclone. But it really was "Whore" Equities who put a condom on that shit.
Whore Equities bought the funnel cake loving wonderland for $30 million gold bricks. You mean to tell us that the memories of people getting pregnant on the boardwalk and smoking doobies on the Wonder Wheel is worth $30 million?!?! We are offended. Couldn't they get like the fucking Jonas Brothers to perform a benefit or something? Those little fags are huge! Actually we would have to get the big guns like Sonic Youth, Talking Heads, Lou Reed, Blondie and a single Ramone to have raised money to buy it back for the people.
And just because we will still be able to get sick on the Cyclone and the Wonder Wheel it's just sucks merman balls to even write this post.It's even harder to listen to our mix but let's all remember just like fuck buddies always come to an end so do our favorite amusement parks. MMM Ciao ohh sweet Astroland.
"Save Ferris You Wench "Mix 1. Amusement Park - 50 Cent 2. Freakshow - Britney Spears 3. Castles Made Of Sand - Jimi Hendrix 4. Under The Boardwalk - The Drifters 5. Rollercoaster - Ohio Players 6. Coney Island - Death Cab For Cutie 7. I Will Always Love You - Dolly Parton 8. End Of An Era - Sick Of It All 9. Carnival - Natalie Merchant 10. Closing Time - Semisonic 11. Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) - Green Day 12. Thanks For The Memories - Bob Hope Bonus Track 13. Miss You Like Crazy - Natalie Cole
Well isn't this just a lovely little Saturday we're having? Gray black skies, torrential down pours, and for those of you that are lucky, a big bag of weed! Thanks to HurriCocaine Hannah we have an excuse to be lazy pieces of dookie all day and not feel guilty about doing nada!
Isn't interesting that even the weather is now falling under the Emo spell, where "Tropical Depression" is the actual term for a shit storm?! We're sorry, but when we see little rivers being formed in the streets and pieces of crackhead huts floating by, we're pretty sure that Mother Nature is doing a lil pee pee and cockie all over us aka a HurriCocaine.
We here at Gabba actually look forward to HurriCocaine season. That's when we get to relish in the fact that all the rich fucks in dirty jersey are getting their basements flooded and we can watch the weather anchors get tossed around like hookers at a bachelor party.
In honor of this most special time of year, we've compiled some tangy little nuggets of sound for you to sit back, blaze up, and jam out to...nude!
"Angel Tears" Mix 1. Da Rain - Missy Elliot 2. Temperature - Sean Paul 3. Umbrella - Rhianna 4. Blame It On The Rain - Milli Vanilli 5. Only Happy When It Rains - Garbage
