GABBA GABBA HAAAAY

(cue the Goodbye Horses track by Q Lazzarus)
Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard.

Another day, another absurd celebrity confession.
Apparently RDJ had an addiction...no not the very public drug one, but another more intimate problem. He was addicted to whacking his winkle...every chance he got.

Question. Why is this a problem?? Doesn't everyone piddle their own privates? A LOT? Shit we don't even want to get out of bed sometimes cause we just want to cuddle up with ourselves and crank out a few O's.

And how much does one have to self pleasure themselves for it to be considered a "problem"? Is this some Dr. Phil bullshit?? Is that fat bald pinky prick spreading rumors about this being an unhealthy life style?

Listen RJD, the only problem we have with you fucking yourself is that you're not doing it in front of a web cam for all of us to see. So our advice to you is to get back in bed, bust out the Vaseline and Kleenex, pop in Pussy Poppin Pimps 4 and rub until you can't rub no more! We'll still be here for you in the morning!

And while you're at it, throw on your special me time mix to get your jets wet.



"Table for One, Please" Mix
1. Self Love - Jaguar Wright
2. I Touch Myself - Divinyls
3. Dancing With Myself - Billy Idol
4. Detachable Penis - King Missile
5. She Bop - Cyndi Lauper
6. I Think We're Alone Now - Tiffany
7. All I Need Is You - U2
8. The Obsessive Devotion - Epica
9. Hands - Jewel
10. Sticky Fingers - Shrimp City Slim
11. Orgasm Addict - The Buzzcocks
12. Rub One Out - H-Town

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